13/02/2015 8:16 AM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:24 AM IST

The Mole Near My Lips And Other Flaws That Cause Divorce


Recently I read, in a newspaper no less, that a woman was divorcing her husband a week into the marriage because he had poor table manners. I gasped when I read the article and then doubled over in laughter. I wondered, have we really stooped to such lows in our quest to achieve perfection in everything in our lives? When we marry we search for the perfect spouse. Many women look for the TDH (Tall Dark Handsome) ideal of Mills and Boon romances while the average man hopes for the pure, virginal domestic goddess. As the marriage progresses, the list and the expectations grow exponentially. Worse, these are rarely met. If only the partner had more money, a better body, more polished diction... if I were to share the entire list you might be forgiven for thinking you were reading a fairy tale.

Why must we insist on perfection is my basic question? Is imperfection that bad? Why is it difficult to be happy with what we have, flaws and all? The fault is not in our insisting on perfection, but in our attitude of not being able to accept that happiness is possible even with flaws - and who really defines flaws? Ever thought that his habit of blurting out to clarify if, "this the maasi who you said is called Lalita Pawar" at a family function where anyone can overhear adds a dash of spice to the marriage? Because, let's face it, perfection is dull, yaaaawwwnnn - BORING. Show me a perfectly matched couple who never utter a wrong word to each other and I will unearth for you an extramarital affair or a divorce waiting to happen

Why can't we be happy with flaws and faults? Who told us that we have to be perfect to be happy? I'm perfectly happy with someone who has faults and I admit that I'm no angel of perfection. If I'm not perfect and am realistic enough to accept that, then why should I insist on the other person being that way as a prerequisite for a happy marriage?

You know, what's sad is that we go through life waiting for this destination of happiness after our checklist of perfection is met. We do not realise that it's the journey which is peppered with happiness and not the destination.

Do I have a solution for this? Nahhh, there's never an easy solution except a change in the attitude that you need perfection in a spouse for happiness in a relationship. We need to accept the reality that we all are flawed and that sometimes our flaws make us beautiful. Our imperfections make us special and these contribute to our happiness in a marriage. Most of all, being comfortable in our skin and our relationship will make us a happy partner who will also keep the other partner happy.

Maybe one of the reasons my hubby did divorce me was the mole near my lips, who knows? But I'd like to think of that mole as a "chand mein daag", a black spot on the moon - something that is a symbol of romance and beauty. It makes me flawed, but special.