Changing one's attitude is difficult. At least, it is for me. I hesitate, fearing that people might think that I have changed. I know that they will think so because it is difficult to accept change. People don't like it when you stop acting according to their wishes. Nonetheless, I have come to realize that embracing change is necessary for peace of mind. You just need to rewire your attitude.
- Thinking about yourself first isn't selfish
In fact, it is cool. Expecting that others will take care of you is not so cool. People often think about what others have or haven't done for them. Do they ever think about what have they done for themselves? If you think about yourself first, you make your life more organized, and this brings a sense of contentment. You cannot reflect positivity if you are not content.
- Accept yourself the way you are
I have a wheatish complexion and I remember that in my childhood I wanted to be fair. I wished to be very fair like my grandmother and my cousin. But, as I grew up, I became comfortable with my skin colour. Now, I don't understand why I even wanted to be fair. Maybe because I have seen people's fascination with fair skin. Paridhi, the female protagonist of my debut novel, We Will Meet Again, is dusky, and some readers found it strange that the good-looking and successful Abhigyan — the male protagonist — fell for her. As someone told me, "She isn't even beautiful!" But, the colour of your skin or shape of your body doesn't define you. With acceptance, comes confidence. Be yourself. It makes your life easier.
Always care for those who truly care for you. But never waste your time on those who are too busy for you.
- Learn to speak for yourself (and your dear ones when necessary)
You feel this strong urge to respond to mean things people say to you, but you can't. Your mind screams a big 'no' while you hear yourself saying a meek 'yes'. Sounds familiar? It is difficult but very important to speak for yourself. People don't accept it easily. But, if you don't speak for yourself, who will? People feel nice when you don't respond to their meanness, but they feel bad when you speak for yourself. I wonder why. Saying a firm yet polite no and replying appropriately will save you a lot trouble. It makes you feel light. And, it makes people realize that they can't expect you to act as per their wishes. It also makes them realize that they can't say to you whatever they want to.
- Be polite
I seldom use harsh words. But when I do, it disturbs me. I can't stop thinking about it. You don't need to be rude in order to be straightforward. Sometimes, words hurt more than deeds. And sometimes, your tone is more hurtful than your words. So, it is important to be careful how you say things. It doesn't take anything to be kind and polite. You can be firm and polite at the same time.
You don't need to be rude in order to be straightforward. Sometimes, words hurt more than deeds.
- Learn to ignore people who deserve to be ignored
Always care for those who truly care for you. But never waste your time on those who are too busy for you. It is not about time, it is about intention and effort. Also, people who pretend to be your well-wishers and show that they deeply care for you but actually mislead you indirectly are dangerous. They don't deserve your attention.
- Stop being a people pleaser
This one is tough but the best for your peace. When you try hard to please others, you diminish your value. It hardly earns you anything. It's just an indication that people can take you for granted. You certainly don't want that, do you?