25/06/2016 12:04 AM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:27 AM IST

The Woman Who Held Me Captive

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Lots of pills behind woman holding happy mask disguising sad face

There was absolute darkness. I couldn't see anything, nothing, not even the place I was held captive in. I was miserable, I cried with all my heart, with all my might, desperately, frantically, for help, for someone to rescue me, save me, to set me free but my voice died down, was drowned , lost in the silence around me. Not able to see anything, I tried to search with my hands to find anything which could give me a clue to the place I was imprisoned in, but all in vain. I could not even feel my own body! There was infinite emptiness around me. I had failed miserably in all my efforts to escape. I lost all my energy, felt powerless, weak, and alone. I lost all hope. My captor was as strong as I was. She was the same height and body build as I was and creepily resembled me. She tried to push me further back into darkness with all her might. She would talk bad of me, of how I was so useless, that I had nothing left in life to look forward to, that I was better off dead! She wanted to break me and my spirit and keep me hostage in this hell, a living hell, forever. She wanted to thwart all my efforts to break free.

My captor would talk bad of me, of how I was so useless, that I had nothing left in life to look forward to, that I was better off dead!

I accepted my defeat, my fate, waiting silently for death. Scared, scarred and terrified, I closed my eyes to sleep hoping that this nightmare might end when I opened my eyes again. I wished it were a mere dream, a frightening nightmare but it was not to be. It was my reality and far scarier than any nightmare. I just wanted to sleep and never get up. I had no idea if it was day or night. Days, weeks and months passed but I could not register anything. Time hung heavy on my hands.

I could hear very frail voices, a child playing joyfully, laughing heartily, a man talking, sometimes crying and taking my name, but all these seemed like distant whispers. Maybe they knew who I was, maybe they knew about my confinement, maybe they could help. I remembered my family; I wanted to run away, run back to my world, my life. I was desperate. I couldn't give up this easily, I was not so weak, and this was not me. I had to bring myself back together again, summon all my strength and courage. I had to fight back against my captor, my fate. I had to do this for my family, for myself. Resolute as never before, I started to fight back. It wasn't easy to battle against a very tough, formidable and intimidating opponent. It was a daily struggle against an enemy who looked like me, had as much strength as I did. She was as determined to keep me hostage as I was to fight back and reclaim my life.

She was as determined to keep me hostage as I was to fight back and reclaim my life.

Fighting relentlessly for many months, I started seeing hope, a flicker of a light at the far end of this prison and a shadow of a man who was trying as hard as me to pull me out of this. I held his hand tight and together we pushed away my imprisoner with a renewed force and might. I successfully trampled my enemy to come out victorious. Out in the sunshine once again, I could now see everything clearly. The man who had held my hand during my struggle was no one but my husband, the love of my life! The truth dawned upon me and I was astounded by what I realized.

I had been held hostage in darkness, in my own home and my captor was none other than me, myself. I had imprisoned myself in this extreme darkness and despair. The faint whispers that I heard were my son and husband talking, to me. They were right next to me yet I failed to hear and recognize them. I had fought this arduous battle against myself; no wonder my opponent resembled me! How could this be true, it was implausible, impossible! It all seemed surreal as if I was in a trance. I had been suffering from depression for a while and all this wrath and misery was brought upon me by my own mind and I had been jailed in my own body. It took me every ounce of strength and power in my body and mind to fight this battle but finally, I had freed myself from the dungeon of my own making...

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