17/03/2015 8:09 AM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:25 AM IST

Nursery Rhymes For India, Part II: Multiple-Choice Entrance Exam


Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water,

a) A docu on state water wars now being made by their daughter.

b) Voluntarily converted, they're now Rita and Jayant.

c) Got sold along with the hill to a mining giant.

"Will you walk into my parlour?" said the spider to the fly,

a) "You'll learn some Eastern wisdom if you sit here on my thigh."

b) "My staff will frisk you for hidden cams, kindly do not mind."

c) "Our payment terms are flexible: land or cash or kind."

Baa baa black sheep have you any wool?

a) Yes it's Ayurvedic and I'll sell it in your school.

b) In seven weeks it will be white thanks to this fairness cream.

c) I shaved it off for TV shows on sheep rights #meatteam.

Old King Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he,

a) And not just coal, he'd had a slice of Adarsh and 3G.

c) At the age of 50 he still gets to play a college student.

b) He explains to girls why Western clothes are nasty and imprudent.

Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie,

a) I shot them, they were black bucks, damn I must be high.

b) They all fell out of Delhi's skies, choking on the smog.

c) Blackbird pies are banned, eat this paneer hot dog.

Ring-a ring-a roses, pocket full of posies,

a) Streets are full of nasties, neighbourhoods of nosies.

b) Highways full of traffic, crops are full of chems.

c) Leaders full of slogans, pockets full of gems.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey,

a) Along came a spider, she maced him and tased him and killed him with ka-ra-te.

c) Along came the police and fined her some rupees for loitering while female.

d) She tweeted some anti-curd-rice one-liners and now Miss Muffet's in jail.

Pussycat pussycat where have you been?

a) I've been to torrent sites downloading Queen.

b) Purring at Handsomest Cricketer lists.

c) Tried going to Bombay, which doesn't exist.

Tom, Tom, the piper's son, stole a pig and away he run,

a) Ran to Delhi, wore sharp suits, ate the pig with bamboo shoots.

b) Ran to Chennai, media job, pig was killed by an angry mob.

c) Ran to Luru, made it big, now funds startups with his pig.