I just watched Jab Harry Met Sejal for the second time today. And I liked it much better this time around. I found the little nuances of both the characters and could understand their motivations. But I still walked out of the theatre depressed. This time I realised that there is no coming back from Harry.
I usually find it very difficult to get over any Shah Rukh Khan movie. His Raj and Rahul or the more recent Gaurav and Dr Jahangir Khan stayed with me for several days after I watched them onscreen. I built a world with them in my head. My very own bubble of fantasy-crazy. All of them have given me my definition of love. Ultimately, of course, it is Shah Rukh Khan who is the star of these fantasies. I was always one of those who used to say that Shah Rukh Khan spoiled romance for me. That I am never going to find anybody like him in real life.
With Harry, there is nothing larger than life. I cannot find any refuge in thinking that real guys are not like this. This time the heartbreak is real.
But it was easier to accept reality and come back crashing down from my fantasy cloud. The characters were so much larger than life that they stayed within the realm of fantasy. I stayed a few days with them, building my castles but then let them go and got back to my own life. Yes I'd summon them at times for some escapism from my reality, but it not that difficult to let them go.
This was before I met Harry.
It has just been two days since I have met him, and I know it is going to be extremely difficult to recover from him. Because he is not larger than life. He is not a comic book hero or a character who has been written just to make women fall in love with him. He is full of flaws... and it is these flaws that are getting to me, or rather the way SRK has accepted Harry's flaws and owned them in his unique way. Phew, it's going to be extremely difficult to accept reality now. It is going to be somewhat like escaping to reality from reality itself.
This time, the hurt has pierced deep. Shah Rukh Khan has given me heartbreak. Shah Rukh Khan has given me pain. He has given me a void. I am so much more aware of the fact that I don't have Shah Rukh Khan in my life.
Because this time, he was so close to me. He was just there. I could almost reach out my hand and grab him. I was seeing those brown eyes, the eyes of a real human being this time. And the realisation that I do not have those eyes in my life broke my heart into pieces. He has very rudely made me aware of the lack of him in my life.
I never wanted the romance with a Raj or a Rahul in real life. Yes I would have loved the "idea" of someone spreading his arms for me or fighting against the world for me. I could even have had a fantasy or two where the lost love of my life would swoop in on my wedding day and confess his love for me. But even I knew that if it happened in real life, I would be pissed as hell.
Harry getting his fantasy and me struggling to accept my reality seemed unfair. It made me angry to think that SRK had the power to make a fictional character hurt me in real life.
With Harry, there is nothing larger than life. I cannot find any refuge in thinking that real guys are not like this. This time the heartbreak is real. This time the void is just too real. The way Shah Rukh Khan has portrayed love with Harry is down to earth, it is not over the top or impossible. There are just those brown eyes, overflowing with love. He himself is trying to live out a fantasy for the most part of the movie. Rather than relating to the girl, I found myself relating to him so deeply. He knew he had to get out of the fantasy at the end of it. Just like me. He is constantly telling Sejal to stop this "silly" make-believe world. And yet it is impossible for him to stop himself from getting carried away with the dream.
That I can relate to. That I can so relate to. Harry got me, I got him. To see SRK in that state, where he has made me suffer all these years, gave me a sort of sadistic pleasure. But then he does get to live his fantasy at the end of the movie. While I get up as the credits role and come back to my world which is devoid of SRK. My fantasy is never going to come true.
This time the pain is much too close to my heart. Because somewhere, I have tried a lot to make my dream come true. To be a part of some corner of his universe. To try and get to work with him. I have tried everything in my power and am still trying. So Harry getting his fantasy and me struggling to accept my reality seemed unfair. It made me angry to think that he had the power to make a fictional character hurt me in real life.
I have tried getting out of this make believe world of mine by getting a different dream. But just like Harry, I am unable to manage it. Shah Rukh Khan, if you are listening, I had made my peace with you dictating the concepts of romance in my head. What I am not OK with is you dictating the concepts of heartbreak and pain to me. This is something that I will just not be able to handle.