The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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obsessed with whatever tax bracket it is where Adult bathrooms are beach themed and then kids bathrooms are more specifically fish themed
— helena (@freshhel) September 30, 2019
Love to prep for a social evening by being extremely alone all day
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) September 29, 2019
One minute you’re young & carefree, and the next, you’re googling “what is a VSCO girl?” and still not understanding it.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 3, 2019
My signature party dish is "The One I Realized I Totally Forgot To Put Out After The Guests Were Gone."
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 29, 2019
in the 1980’s our moms were literally always on the phone with someone what tf were they always talking about, magnum p.i.? shoulder pads ?
— pony (@tigersgoroooar) September 28, 2019
I’ve never been held hostage, but I have gotten trapped in my own sports bra while getting undressed.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) September 28, 2019
I’m so glad TV is back. Summer was long. I got so bored I almost rekindled a friendship.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) September 29, 2019
Strict parents Cats
— N is for Nicole, Who Fell Off a Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) October 3, 2019
🤝
“No closed doors in MY house.”
swiping through people i will never date on Tinder vs. looking up apartments i will never afford on zillow pic.twitter.com/XdnddloByP
— Thrill Creepswell 🎃 (@capeybara) October 1, 2019
me: i am overwhelmed, dying, too many tasks, help, what can be done, will i live this way forever
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) September 29, 2019
after replying to one email: magnificent, what a powerful work horse, can't be stopped, time to celebrate with a beer, reward this titan of industry
you know what time it is pic.twitter.com/NSBtrzqTbj
— ziwe (@ziwe) October 1, 2019
I'm sorry I can't respond to your work email. I've taken my bra off for the night.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 4, 2019
Very disappointed to learn that ‘malingering’ does not mean ‘bad at hanging around’
— Kristin (@FeralCrone) September 30, 2019
Me on October 1st, patiently waiting for Halloween pic.twitter.com/cFRK8CDtlg
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 1, 2019
I've never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that's running 15 minutes over time.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 1, 2019
MY LYFT DRIVER IS RAPPING DO I CLAP OR WHAT
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) October 4, 2019
Every time I miss two hours of news, I fear they’ve committed 80,000 more crimes, pears are now taxed at 400% and we’re never speaking to Hawaii again.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 4, 2019
time to massage some oil into my face and hope everything works out
— pascalle (@frenchielaboozi) September 29, 2019
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that when you’re looking at your phone next to someone who’s sleeping, you will inadvertently click on a video
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) October 2, 2019
please present the signed permission slip from your therapist before approaching me romantically
— mary beth barone (@marybethbarone) October 3, 2019