Over the summer, Brooklyn-based artist Samantha Rothenberg posted a comic that summed up a certain type of dater: a person who, after casually dating you in the past, drops in every so often via text for no logical reason â except to not-so-subtly remind you of their existence.
âWho remembers clippy? đ,â Rothenberg joked to her 184,000 followers. âWell heâs here to make sure you donât forget him.â
The comic got nearly 18,000 âlikesâ and plenty of âWow, yeah, I know this guyâ replies. (And a surprising amount of Clippy hate: âI remember Clippy,â one woman commented. âHow irritating was that banging-on-the-window noise he did?â)
Inspired by the comic, Metro U.K. writer Ellen Scott coined a dating term: Paperclipping. This person pops into your life months â even years! â after youâve ended things for no apparent reason, besides reminding you that they exist (and clearly are still single).
Itâs reminiscent of Microsoftâs not-so-helpful assistant Clippy, who would jump into Word docs to see if you needed his help. (You rarely did.)
The term took off, which didnât surprise Rothenberg given her own dating experiences.
âThe comic was definitely based on a personal experience,â she said. âI remember getting a super random text from a guy who I dated briefly and thinking, âWow! He just pops up out of nowhere.ââ
Of course, this isnât the only dating term used to describe flaky singles. There are ghosters, mosters, even soft ghosters. There are breadcrumbers and orbiters. There are kitten fishers and Tindstagrammers.
But to paperclippingâs credit, it might be the first annoying dating trend to come with its own mascot. (Poor Clippy canât catch a break. This is only the second most embarrassing thing to happen to the little guy recently. Last year, Microsoft resurrected the out-of-work paperclip and put him to use as stickers in chat software. A day later, they gave him the ax again.)
Cute visual aside, the act of paperclipping is a little obnoxious, and more of us are doing it, said Damona Hoffman, dating coach and host of The Dates & Mates Podcast.
âPaperclipping has always been a thing, now it just has a title,â she said. âI dated a guy who came on strong in the beginning but then kept canceling dates last minute. Iâd tell him to get lost and then heâd pop back up months later with a grand story about why he needed to see me again.â
Eventually, Hoffman discovered he was dating someone else. âWhen things werenât going well, heâd magically find my number again.â
The ease of shooting off a text or DM makes it even easier to paperclip. And why wouldnât you clip on occasion, given how big the dating pool is? Apps give us almost endless choices of whom we can date. While thatâs not inherently a bad thing, the breadth of choices has made us pickier and less decisive.
The resulting âparadox of choice,â as social scientists call it, convinces us that a better match is always right around the corner. We get swipe-happy. You may have found a great match, but the fact that youâve found them implies you could find one more â or dozens and dozens more.
âPaperclipping happens when things arenât going well for someone with new swipes and dates so they return to what is familiar and reliable,â Hoffman said.
Thereâs safety in paperclipping, but letâs be real: Itâs bad form and a habit you should try to break. If youâre a perpetual paperclipper, ask yourself why you keep popping back in and out of peopleâs lives.
Usually, your on-again-off-again interest isnât so much about your would-be partner, but rather your uncertainty about what you want in life, said Hayley Quinn, a dating coach in London. Be upfront about that with potential partners.
âIf you realize youâre not into the idea of a relationship right now, your best bet is to be transparent about that fact when you pop back in,â she said. âSay, âRight now I want to be upfront about where I am...â to allow the other person the chance to make an informed choice about whether they want to get involved.â
âThis also gives you the best shot at attracting people who are on the same page as you,â she added.
Bottom line: If you must draw dating inspiration from good olâ Clippy, be considerate and upfront about your intentions. Thatâs dating advice thatâs actually helpful, unlike a certain Groucho Marx-eyebrowed Office assistant.