Sexting: Itâs the great equalizer. It doesnât matter if youâre Jeff Bezos and worth $135 billion, when horniness calls, you have to send that thirst text.
The Amazon CEO recently exposed The National Enquirer when he was threatened with the publication of intimate photos of Bezos and his girlfriend Lauren Sanchez in the wake of his divorce.
It didnât help that Bezosâ texts were a little cringe-y. âI love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon,â Bezos allegedly wrote in one text.
Naturally, the text was ripe for the meme-ing.
âJeff Bezos sexts like heâs an AI in a human suit,â writer Dana Schwartz tweeted.
Jokes aside, who among us hasnât dashed off a dirty text that read a little awkwardly? These days, sexting is a common part of early-phase intimate relationships. According to Michelle Drouin, a psychology professor at Purdue University Fort Wayne, more than 80 percent of young American adults have sent or received an explicit message or photo.
âItâs a way to establish intimacy with a partner, to tell them youâre having sexual thoughts about them, to convey sexual plans that you might have with them later on,â she told The Atlantic earlier this month. âThis is all part of the normative sexual experience now.â
Billionaires: They really are just like us. (Though, frankly, weâre a little disappointed; what good is it being the richest man in the world if you have to sext like the rest of us? Youâd think he couldâve at least holographed his junk.)
Since weâre all clearly busy thirst texting, we figured it was time to write a primer on how to draft a text that wouldnât embarrass you if it went public. Whether youâre rolling in the dough or a frequenter of the McDonaldâs dollar menu, we hope you find it useful.
Make sure itâs consensual.
You wouldnât send an unsolicited dick pic to someone, right? That goes for an unwanted dirty text, said Kenneth Play, a sex educator and coach in Brooklyn, New York. Read the room. Only send a sext if youâre at a level of intimacy where it makes sense to do so.
âIf you spam with an offer, it doesnât matter how good the offer is, itâs still spam,â Play said. âMake sure your sexting is not unsolicited, but is welcome and expected.â
Aim to be genuine and honest about how you feel in your messages, versus overly sexy.
If you rarely sext â or are a recently single billionaire who primarily lives in Seattle â donât feel like you have to jump into the deep end with how explicit you are. Youâre not writing a porn scene or erotica; youâre trying to connect with your S.O. in a sexy, genuine way. If youâre feeling a little shy, emojis (đ,đ) are always helpful.
âBuild anticipation, and donât be afraid to be silly,â said Heather McPherson, a sex therapist and owner of Respark Therapy in Austin, Texas, and Denver.
âIt might be helpful to use innuendo at first as well,â she explained. âBe subtle about what you would like to do with them or subtly reference a previous experience youâve had together. Leave it up to the imagination to fill in the gaps.â
Tailor the text to your S.O.
You know what gets your partner off. Draw on your erotic knowledge of them while youâre texting, working in their fantasies and some of the hottest moments youâve shared in bed.
âPersonally, I love receiving a sext where someone really knows my arousal and kink â whether itâs photos or words â something that crafts a story that just perfectly tickles my brain and turns me on,â Play said. âPsychological arousal is so potent.â
Describe what youâre doing without skimping on the details.
Dirty talk doesnât have to be complicated: As sex columnist Dan Savage once summed up, the best dirty talk is simple and straightforward: âTell âem what youâre going to do, tell âem what youâre doing, tell âem what you did.â
The same general guidelines apply to sexting, said Andrea Glik, a therapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective in New York City.
âA memorable sext is any sext that makes you feel like what the person is describing is happening right now,â she said. âDetail, detail, detail!â
So, for instance, instead of telling your partner you canât wait to have your way with them, explain exactly what youâre going to do to them later, word for word.
âTell them how youâre feeling, too,â Gilk said. âWrite, âYou should feel how hard/wet I am,â âI canât concentrate. All I can think about is you,â or âI need your body.ââ
If you receive a thirst text or nude pic, show appreciation for it.
And now a little etiquette on receiving a dirty text: Please do not think this is the time to be brief in your reply. If someone has sent you a sext or nude, make sure youâre doing more than sending a thumbs up emoji in response.
âNo ânice titsâ replies. Comment on what theyâre wearing, the background, scenery, lighting, and use sophisticated language,â Play said. âI often say something like, âI love the curve of your lower back and how it moves down into your beautiful ass.â Youâve really got to add some poetry to it.â
It really is that simple: Make sure the sexting is consensual, know your audience and get a little playful.
Go forth and get your sext on, all you billionaires, millionaires, thousandaires and hundredaires out there.