Let’s make mediocre blow jobs a thing of the past.
If you’re trying to step up your B.J. game but don’t know where to begin, you’ve come to the right place. We asked sex experts to share their best tips for going down on someone with a penis. (And if you’re going down on someone with a vagina, we’ve got you covered there too.)
Note that these are just general tips. As with any sexual experience, it’s best to communicate with your partner about what they like and don’t like. The advice below can apply to anyone ― regardless of gender ― who possesses genitalia traditionally understood as male.
1. Think of the blow job as if it were the main event, not just a quick pit stop along the way
“Getting into blow jobs or a blow job headspace, rather than viewing it as a short stop on your way to other activities, can have a genuine impact on the blow job.” — Jesse Kahn, sex therapist and director at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective
2. If you can’t muster any enthusiasm, don’t bother. No one likes a begrudging B.J.
“A lackluster blow job leaves the receiver unsatisfied and the giver feeling inadequate. Enthusiasm makes up for many technique flaws, and on the opposite side, performing out of obligation can rob the pleasure out of even the most skillful technique.” — Rebekah Beneteau, a sex, kink and intimacy coach
3. It’s OK to start slow
“Porn has many of us believing that hard and fast is the way to go, but most men love it when their partner mixes slow and sensual with fast and hard. Slowly run your tongue up the side of their cock, tease him a little bit, then slowly take him into your mouth and gradually build up speed and pressure.” — Taylor Johnson, sex educator
4. And you don’t have to wait until they’re totally hard to begin
“It can be really pleasurable to take all of them in your mouth and just allow them to grow. You can suck very gently and move your tongue over them as they fill your mouth, then grip the base of the shaft and pull your lips slowly up the length of them to the head.” — Beneteau
5. Avoid biting down or scraping them with your teeth (unless they like it like that)
“Cover your teeth with your lips — unless you have a partner that likes it a little feral. Most guys don’t want to feel scraped. On the other hand, biting them gently every place else as a warmup to approaching the penis can be hot. Create anticipation and build the desire by allowing them to feel your hot breath and wet tongue everywhere.” — Beneteau
6. Make a little eye contact
“Looking them in the eyes while you go down on them can be incredibly erotic. You don’t have to lock eyes the entire time, but occasionally, and especially in the beginning, it can feel amazing.” — Johnson
7. Throw in some dirty talk, telling them how much you love their penis
“It feels amazing to hear. If you don’t love his cock, then don’t lie about it. But if you don’t love somebody’s cock why are you going down on them in the first place!?” — Johnson
8. Pay attention to other parts of the body too, like their thighs and chest
“While you go down on him, try running your hands all over his body. Try grabbing his inner thighs. Try grabbing his abs and chest. Use oil and try gliding your hands from his cock up to his heart in a massage-like motion, and back down again. When you do this, you’re helping spread pleasure through his entire body.” — Johnson
9. Know that vibrators aren’t just for the clitoris
“The tissue that makes up both the clit and the penis reacts to vibration and brings extra blood flow to the area. Bring out your own vibrator and incorporate it into oral sex by using it on the head of the penis, the base of the penis or balls, or put the vibe up to your chin so he can feel the vibration through your mouth.” — Andrea Glik, therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective
10. Experiment with different positions
“It’s important to be comfortable because you might be there for a while. Also, it can be fun to play around with dominance or submission and situate yourself physically to reflect those dynamics. For example, the blow job giver could be on their knees or towering over the receiver, who could also be tied up!” ― Kahn
11. If you want to deep throat, breathe out as you take them in
“This allows your throat muscles to relax, suppressing the gag reflex. Then don’t try to thrust them in and out, just swallow, while working your lips and tongue on the shaft.” — Beneteau
12. Incorporate some butt play (if they’re into that sort of thing)
“If he’s open to it, give him anal stimulation during a blow job. Doing this might just give him one of the most powerful orgasms he’ll ever experience. You don’t even have to go inside — just putting pressure on his anus with your fingers while you go down on him can feel unbelievably amazing. For obvious reasons, this is best done during or right after bathing.
If he’s open to you putting your fingers inside him, make sure your fingernails are short, use a LOT of lube and enter very slowly. Keeping your finger still inside him might be all that’s needed. If he likes it then it’ll be well worth it for both of you to research the joys of anal stimulation for men.” — Johnson
Sex Ed for Grown-Ups is a series tackling everything you didn’t learn about sex in school — beyond the birds and the bees. Keep checking back for more expert-based articles and personal stories.