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Purba Ray

Writer

A teacher not so long ago, she took to writing on a whim after leaving her job. Has an opinion on nearly everything, fact or fiction, beginnings or ends, light or heavy, long or short.
The Unbearable Burden Of Being A Class 12 Student In

The Unbearable Burden Of Being A Class 12 Student In India

If you are a parent of a teen who has just appeared for her board exams, you will know exactly what it feels like when the results are about to be declared. It's like waiting for your own results. Only this time, you are not a carefree teen but a worry-wart adult plagued by ifs and buts, and what will the world and its aunt think if your child scores an abysmal 85%? Even Mrs Chatterjee's useless son scored a 97%!
03/06/2016 7:56 AM IST
The Indian Man's All-Too-Public Love Affair With

The Indian Man's All-Too-Public Love Affair With Boxers

Like the elusive true love he has always dreamed of, his boxers are accommodating, always at his bidding, and accompany him wherever he wants without a murmur of protest. Their love is unconditional, regardless of his expanding girth, shrinking memory and cluelessness about "you-don't-love-me-anymore" outbursts. They definitely give him more space than his relationship. What's more, he can lovingly caress his posterior and scratch his interiors without hindrance.
29/05/2016 12:58 AM IST
How To Be A 100% Certified

How To Be A 100% Certified Patriot

The government understands it is difficult to keep yourself constantly updated to be a 100% certified patriot and has decided to address your concerns by introducing the BMJK app. Once you install this helpful app, you will keep getting notifications for every new anti-national activity. The app also has a reward feature. Swabbing your floor with gomutra, supporting Anupam Kher in whatever and whoever he's protesting against, abusing paid media online, beating up traitors as you scream BMKJ will earn you 500 reward points each.
13/05/2016 8:24 AM IST
Once Upon A Time, There Was A Chhori Called

Once Upon A Time, There Was A Chhori Called Gurgawan...

For long, Gurgaon was chhori Gurgawan, a behenji who loved spending time with buffaloes and her Jat bhais. She didn't mind her uneventful life before fairy godfather DLF and various cronies set their sights on her and decided she was their future bright. Thus began her grooming, intense sessions at the gym and shopping for a hip wardrobe. Before she could say "<em>kay chal rahya se</em>", she had transformed into a glam diva with a BPO accent. She was now Ms Gurgaon...
21/04/2016 3:09 PM IST
I Became A Teacher For The Wrong Reasons, But It Was The Right

I Became A Teacher For The Wrong Reasons, But It Was The Right Choice

Even though I was adamant I'd never get into this profession, I joined a school as a faculty member after my daughter was born. I'm not ashamed to admit that it was less for the love of teaching and more for the love of the work hours--because that allowed me to spend more time with her.
30/03/2016 8:15 AM IST
Frankly Speaking: A Sureshot Way To Lose Your Social Media

Frankly Speaking: A Sureshot Way To Lose Your Social Media Friends

If you are tired of being a <em>like</em> enthusiast on Facebook or the "hahaha good one" Samaritan on Twitter, start sharing your beliefs on religion and politics. This is a foolproof method to awaken the dormant Arnab Goswami in your dearest online friends. Beliefs are like the softest, most worn-out T-shirt that you've held on to for years. Slipping into it is the closest we feel to our mother's womb. So, when an opinionated cretin's grating voice, such as yours, infiltrates their warm cocoon, their inner Arnab comes out.
26/02/2016 8:18 AM IST
Why I Think Temple Bans On Women Are Absolutely

Why I Think Temple Bans On Women Are Absolutely Fine

Let's think of these 'reserved-for-men' shrines as the women's-only coach in the Delhi Metro. Now imagine a bunch of aggressive men demanding equal rights and to be let in! Surely we'll turn into female incarnates of the wrathful Lord Shani. And why not? The Metro coach is our sanctum sanctorum, where we can squat on the floor, do our makeup, doze on our neighbour's shoulder without the fear of body odour. I am sure male devotees share similar sentiments while resisting female presence in shrines like Shani Shingnapur.
04/02/2016 8:16 AM IST
Your Man Never Cooks? It's Probably Your

Your Man Never Cooks? It's Probably Your Fault

Frankly, I don't blame men who can't differentiate cumin powder from coriander and don't know where the spoons are kept in the kitchen. I blame the women in their lives who insist on treating them like babies incapable of taking care of themselves. Why else would a wife who leaves for a month-long vacation at her parents' slog for weeks to cook and freeze meals for her dear husband?
29/01/2016 8:19 AM IST
How To Martyr Yourself To

How To Martyr Yourself To Fashion

Go to any mall or multiplex and you'll see a parade of jiggly bottoms and generous tyres spilling out of dresses two sizes too small. I'm always in a fix about how to react. While a part of me says a silent <em>yay</em> for women who dress for themselves and not others, the other part of me wonders if they have a mirror at home.
21/01/2016 8:16 AM IST
Learning And Unlearning To Be A

Learning And Unlearning To Be A Mom

It was just a few months back when I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep on my makeshift bed inside a darkened cabin, the sky an inky blue outside. I was feeling angry at myself. It had been two days since I had been crying non-stop. This wallowing-in-misery woman was so unlike me. There's no escaping misery. But it doesn't take me too long to bounce back to my normal cheerful self -- but not this time.
09/01/2016 8:21 AM IST
The Dilemma Of The Stay-At-Home

The Dilemma Of The Stay-At-Home Mom

I'm always amazed when women say "I'm just a housewife" when someone asks them, "So, are you working?" As if a housewife doesn't work. As if being a housewife is shameful and you need to sound apologetic. So sorry, that I chose to stay home and take care of the family. Personally, I find the term homemaker more comforting. It sounds spiffier and definitely more "productive". The woman of the house who makes the house a home -- yes, that's me!
09/11/2015 8:11 AM IST
An Open Letter From An Aggrieved

An Open Letter From An Aggrieved Bhains

For centuries we have been subjected to unfair treatment simply by virtue of our skin colour. Yet, nobody even bothered to ask us how it felt to be treated like, well, beefcake. Not a single feminist organisation came to our rescue or raised slogans on our behalf. If the cow is your <em>maa</em>, doesn't that make us your aunty?
19/10/2015 8:05 AM IST
We Bongs Are A Peaceful Lot: All We Need Is Our Maach, Mangsho And

We Bongs Are A Peaceful Lot: All We Need Is Our Maach, Mangsho And Mishti

The furore over the imposition of meat ban in several states in consideration of the Jain festival Paryushan made me realise what a peace loving community we Bengalis are. We don't care that nobody cares for our religious sentiments. During festivals like Durga Puja, we are so engrossed checking out each other's saris and ingesting copious quantities of biryani and kabiraji cutlet that we don't get time to demand bans. Rather, we go for a self-imposed ban on vegetables during those days.
30/09/2015 8:21 AM IST
Why Are Boobs So

Why Are Boobs So Important

But, what if women didn't have boobs? What if all of us were uniformly flat chested! I can imagine catastrophic consequences for humanity. Besides being denied the opportunity of staring at cleavage and passing it off as deep thinking, men will be forced to make eye contact while they engage in a conversation with us.
26/07/2015 12:07 AM IST
Why Celebrities Are Liable For Endorsing Unhealthy

Why Celebrities Are Liable For Endorsing Unhealthy Products

I understand that it is unrealistic to expect our superstar brand ambassadors to conduct tests and verify whether the government approval on the product is deserved or not. But is it too much to expect them to exercise better judgment especially when their stamp of approval is taken as the gospel truth by their adoring fans?
11/06/2015 8:09 AM IST
All That Litters Is

All That Litters Is Yellow

We are firm believers of doing it all in the open while closing our minds to uncomfortable truths that pose a threat to our delusions of grandiosity. We spit, shit, pee, dump garbage in the open because we believe in keeping our houses clean and surroundings dirty.
03/06/2015 8:35 AM IST
A Selfie Made

A Selfie Made PM

It requires a great leader like NaMo to adopt our selfie addiction as his own and use it to his advantage. How many nations can claim to have a PM who not only forges ties with world leaders but also their doting mothers and adoring bhakts by clicking selfies with them?
27/05/2015 8:09 AM IST
Don't Mess With The Metro-wali

Don't Mess With The Metro-wali Aunty

If she's in a genial mood, she might even try to engage with you. She'll ask you if you are married, how much you and your husband earn, the number of bedrooms your apartment has. Once you surrender to her entreaties of how much your purse cost, she'll inform you with a smug smile that you could have bought it at a much cheaper price in her neighbourhood market.
17/05/2015 8:29 AM IST
The Serious Business Of Bhalobasha, The Bengali

The Serious Business Of Bhalobasha, The Bengali Way

Their idea of romantic date is meeting for a protest march screaming cholbe naa, cholbe naa (this won't do) in perfect harmony followed by soothing their parched throats with chaa and tele bhaja. Their idea of foreplay is arguing which Satyajit Ray movie is his best or whether Nazrul's compositions are superior to Tagore's.
21/04/2015 8:07 AM IST
Why Cows Deserve More Protection Than

Why Cows Deserve More Protection Than Women

Plus she is low-maintenance. She will never complain she's doesn't have a thing to wear even when her wardrobe is spilling over with her indulgences. She is happy with her God-given hooves and never craves for Jimmy Choos. All she needs is grass to moo with contentment. She's every man's dream come true!
04/04/2015 9:31 AM IST