14/02/2016 7:58 AM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:26 AM IST

That Heady Feeling Called Love

Pardon me if the subject of the post sounds clichéd but I am a die-hard romantic and this is the season of love: the air is fragrant, the mornings are chilly; the days are bright and evenings sensual. Just the right time to fall in love and talk about love.

Although the dictionary defines love as endearment, affection, tenderness, passion and desire, it is the negative manifestations of love that have always fascinated me -- agony, envy, obsession, betrayal, possessiveness, lust, and longing.

So which one of the two sets of contrasting emotions is love really?

Some months ago, I chanced upon an interview on TV where one of the many brilliant Brahma Kumaris was talking about love. She talked about how love is about giving and not seeking. It is not about you but the person you love. Love means surrendering yourself and not vanquishing the other. If you really love someone, you will not want him to give in to your desires, instead, you will offer him all that you have. So simple, so true, yet so few of us understand it.

As far as I recall, I have always been in love, with someone or something. I have always had some intense passion in life, in phases that I did not, life was hard. It was not always romantic love but love nonetheless - with my friends, with my first scooter, a new dress, some song, a new pen, a pair of shoes... all random things but all worthy of love.

And then I grew up. Like all girls, my idea of love transformed: Love now meant boys and romance.

Eventually, the idea of falling in love became all-consuming. That is when I fell in love for the first time, or maybe I forced myself into it. Although I truly believed I was in love, yet it was the darkest phase of my life. It was only later when I found real love, I realised that it cannot be love if it ties you down. Love gives you wings. It makes you sing, dance, smile, blush, talk. In short, it makes you feel good about yourself and the world around you.

As human beings, we do not love anything more than ourselves. Saying that I love so and so is just a way of saying that I want to be with so and so to feel good about myself. Unfortunately, the so and so has some other so and so and the cycle continues. Therefore, the one who we eventually end up with is usually not the one we love, but the one who helps us love ourselves. Out goes the happily ever after and in comes the compromise.

Of course, there is fulfilled love too. I will be sent to hell if I ignore the many lovers who have found a way to be together - hopefully forever. Most of the people around me are happily living with the person they fell in love with.

But there are also those who find love many times over yet choose to live with someone they never loved. Whatever happened to love? Or was there love at all? To be honest, I am quite old fashioned and my small town, middle-class upbringing often makes me wonder why do people get into a relationship at all if there is no love.

I borrow the answer from one of my favourite blog

A piece of paper

torn into two

One carried away by the gust of wind

the other is you.

And thus: the lifelong search

for the other half.

The search fails, but you pretend:

"Wow, I found my other half!"

What a lie!

Your other half is

stuck in the branches of a mango tree

so who is this man

you are flaunting?

And also a fitting response to this (I wish I knew who wrote this)

And she asked God:

"Whom shall I blame?

Father..Thou? the wind?

or the paper that was too fragile

to be torn?

God smiled at her

"Stop the search, my child.

Some come for a season

And some for a reason

But trust me, my child

He's the one I've chosen."