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6 Toxic People You Should Kick To The Curb In 2019

Therapists share six types of trash people you need to distance yourself from, stat.
Why not endeavor to make 2019 the year you distance yourself from the toxic people you know?
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Why not endeavor to make 2019 the year you distance yourself from the toxic people you know?

Chances are, toxic people in your life ruined a day or two ― or shoot, all 365 of them ― this year.

There’s clearly something in the water; just last month, the Oxford Dictionary proclaimed “toxic” the word of the year for 2018, so you’re definitely not alone in your experiences.

“For most of us, toxic people and bad relationships can become like an addiction — a difficult habit to break, because you are emotionally attached, and the attached part of you wants to keep trying,” said Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and co-author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. “The rational part of your mind knows you need to let go, though.”

Why not endeavor to make 2019 the year you become a little more rational and distance yourself from the toxic people you know? Below, Tessina and other therapists share six negative people to leave behind in the new year.

1. The Ghoster

Ghosters don’t just exist in the dating world; a friend who used to be dependable and communicative but now never responds counts as a ghoster, too.

If your requests to hang out continue to fall on deaf ears, it might be time to stop counting on your chronically flaky friend.

“Relationships with these people often feel one-directional; they disappear easily, shut down and escape without saying a word,” said Talia Wagner, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. “Most of the toxic people in our lives, including ghosters, are good at taking ― our time, resources, energy, empathy and compassion ― but not so good at giving it back.”

2. The Adult Dependent

Everyone in your friend group loves Mike ― but everyone in your friend group has also more or less grown up while Mike remains strangely stagnant. You help him out of financial jams, answer his drunken calls at 3 a.m. and help him work through romantic entanglements he should never have gotten in to begin with.

At this point, your relationship is starting to feel more like an episode of “Queer Eye” ― or worse yet, “Intervention” ― than a genuine friendship.

“The thing is, the toxic adult dependent person will never stop needing,” said Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and co-author of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels. “There’s always another drama around the next corner.”

While there’s nothing wrong with helping out friends in low places, it’s important to check in with yourself and make a value judgment about the friendship: Does this particularly needy friend extend the same care and kindness to you, or has your friendship morphed into a co-dependent relationship?

“Is this friend there for you when you have a tough time?” Pease Gadoua asked. “Toxic needy people tend to be intolerant of others with needs. Your healthy friends will be able to reciprocate lending a helping hand.”

3. The Narcissist

The term “narcissist” gets tossed around a lot these days. Given how commonly used the word is, it’s important to note that narcissism exists on spectrum, and not everyone you’ve met who’s vain or vaguely self-absorbed is a narcissist.

But even a little bit of narcissistic behavior can be hard to stomach when you’re dealing with it daily or weekly, Tessina said.

“People who just take and never reciprocate think the world is all about them,” she said. “They will drain you dry emotionally like emotional vampires. Don’t allow them space in your life.”

4. The Eternal Critic