Who does Priyanka Chopra think she is, the T-rex? She really thought it was okay to simply saunter into America and chase sweet, white men out of their minds?
What business does she have buying houses, home theatres and yachts with her own money? Couldn't she have just charmed a snake with a 'naagini' dance or, who knows, namaste a Genie to get her things? Is she sure she even needs a home theatre and not a curry powder grinder?
The Cut, an offshoot of the New York Magazine, decided to pay a tribute to the under-appreciated cultural sensitivity displayed by white social media 'influencers' who wear bindis and Native American war bonnets at Coachella. An absolutely eye-opening investigation, therefore, was mounted to solve the befuddling mystery of how a brown woman landed a white husband. Tracking the biggest crisis to have hit America since pineapple was made a pizza topping, The Cut followed a startling paper trail — these include Vogue cover stories and People magazine interviews — to conclude that Chopra is a 'scam artist'. In a feat of great courage — you need Russian rom-com hero Donald Trump's gut to be racist, misogynistic and idiotic at the same time — the magazine published a long feature on how Chopra tricked Nick Jonas into marrying her.
Tracking the biggest crisis to have hit America since pineapple was made a pizza topping, The Cut followed a startling paper trail — these include Vogue cover stories and People magazine interviews — to conclude that Chopra is a 'scam artist'.
'Blinded by love', 'poor' Jonas probably did not know what hit him, the writer — a woman of colour herself — suggests. The last time Americans were faced with something as terrifying as a successful brown woman dating a white man, they at least had the comforting visual of Tom Cruise in a leather jacket gunning aliens down. There was no such respite in the case of Chopragate. Instead, the writer recounts with great horror that she was 'attacked' with images of happy people. After all, the only species that most average humans on Instagram are okay with being happy are Corgis, since avocados cannot smile.
Decoding Chopra's interview with a tabloid where she said "I like the high life and work very hard for it", the writer concluded that her buying expensive stuff speaks "volumes to her personality and what she'll do, or think she needs to do, for her career". I mean, why does she want a massive diamond and not a massive 'naan bread'?
The Cut's report doesn't really reveal how Jonas, a 26-year-old man, was made to do things against his wishes despite having a functional brain. Oh wait, we are assuming the writer attributes him with a functional brain because she kind of makes him sound like a teddy bear being tossed around by an obnoxious little girl.
We are assuming the writer attributes him with a functional brain because she kind of makes him sound like a teddy bear being tossed around by an obnoxious little girl.
Then, with the use of analytical tools — such as ignorance — the writer concludes that an elaborate wedding sangeet is further evidence of the questionable nature of Chopra's intentions towards Jonas, a man 10 years younger than her. If she didn't have blinkers, maybe she would have Googled Indian sangeets and understood that Indians take this more seriously than Oscars, but that would not be fair to either endangered racists or misogynists.
Then, Smith delves into the most glaring evidence of the spurious nature of Jonas and Chopra's relationship: Chopra's age. Well, that makes sense. Unless you're a feminist or have other afflictions like an interest in science or logic, do explain why a white former Disney star should marry a successful brown woman with more net worth. Does he also want Windows 97 on his Mac and a phone without smiling poop emoji?
Smith and The Cut's findings were cheered and corroborated by multiple—incidentally mostly white—people on Twitter who couldn't fathom why two adults should marry without spending taxpayers' money and causing physical harm to anyone.
The crux of Smith's investigation rests on the absolutely disturbing fact that Chopra earns money, especially by endorsing Amazon, Tiffany's and Google Pixel, literally the only things that White America cared about after Friends and the iPhone. There are other respectable ways to make a living — like dissing newly married women — but such noble, simpler ways of life must not appeal to this Indian sorceress, the probe revealed.
UPDATE:The Cut pulled down the article and said in a tweet "An earlier story about Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas did not meet our standards. We've removed it and apologize."
Note: Facing backlash, The Cut has extensively edited the mentioned article and taken out references to Chopra as 'fraudulent' and a 'global scam artist' without providing an explanation.