Me: OMG, will these kids just leave me alone?
Also me: *weeps at a commercial where kid leaves for college.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) November 8, 2017
It's amazing how much of parenthood is spent eating delicious things in secret.
— Tiffany Hunter (@lifeattiffanys) November 4, 2017
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of happy hour you can explain inversely proportional graphs while I clean up this slime disaster.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 6, 2017
My 4yo just asked me if I was there when we went to Disney 6 weeks ago for 5 days, so I’m obviously making a huge impact in her life.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 7, 2017
Pretending I'm not about to have a mental breakdown when my kids "help" me cook is the hardest thing I've had to do as a mom.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 7, 2017
Friend: What's it like to have kids?
Me: [sings Wheels on the Bus on repeat, replacing all the words with "butt"]
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) November 6, 2017
You know you're truly a parent when you are required to show the pictures in the book you are reading to the stuffed animals in the room.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 7, 2017
Hi hello how’s your Saturday morning okay I’ll go first: we made it halfway to school before my kid asked why he had to go an extra day.
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) November 4, 2017
The longest song in the world is the Happy Birthday song to a toddler who is ready to help blow out some candles.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 6, 2017
Shout out to school music teachers everywhere who made a choice in life to get trapped in a room with 25 kids learning to play the recorder.
— Danielle and Farrah (@effinghandbook) November 6, 2017
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 9, 2017
I call my sons' bathroom "the hotel" because after they use a towel once, they just throw it on the floor.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 7, 2017
My son is having a hard time getting over the fact we’re not naming his new baby sister Megatron.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 6, 2017
Buy your kids a room full of toys so they can play with 3 Legos, a kazoo party favor, a marker & 1,400 pieces of ripped construction paper.
— Walking For 140 (@WalkingOutside) November 6, 2017
Welcome to parenthood.
Earplugs, get some cause it’s loud af.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) November 8, 2017
My kids ask me what's for dinner as if I have any clue.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 7, 2017
In case you were wondering, it takes approximately 8,000 hours for six 5-7 year olds to bowl an entire game.
— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) November 7, 2017
Son said he really wants to see “murder on the polar express,” and shit now so do I.
— John Ross Bowie (@JohnRossBowie) November 6, 2017
At what point should you worry about your drinking?
I bet it's before your kid builds a Lego brewery.
— Northern Lights 🦖 (@PinkCamoTO) November 6, 2017
We have the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa, but no one thought up a fictional character to keep kids in bed during time changes?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 5, 2017
Overheard my 4 y.o. talking to my mother-in-law - "and mommy was the last to wake up and she woke up naked."
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) November 7, 2017