There's something wickedly satisfying about being the creator of a perfectly worded, perfectly timed deliciously inappropriate sext. To the world it might just be a string of dirty words, but only the two people engaged in this dirty digital dance know how much of a blessing the sext is to modern dating. However, like any other art form, it requires thought, patience and honing to perfection to elicit the desired response. A perfectly-crafted sext is rarely an accident. If you want to send someone a sexy text, here are 14 rules you ought to immediately memorise.
Who can say no to nudes?
When words fail you, or you're simply too lazy to type, create a distraction with nudity. Your partner is not going to notice the scarcity of words while gawking at a strategically taken photo of your abs or cleavage. The only way to go wrong with nudity is if the photos are unsolicited. Make sure you respect your sextee's boundaries before sending them photos of your body parts. Yes, men love looking at boobs and asses and women love the sight of washboard abs or a back rippling with muscles, but that does not mean they want to see yours. I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT send nudes as a way of testing the waters, not least because every nude photo you send out into the digital abyss carries with it massive potential for a breach of trust/security. Nudes firmly belong to the land of established intimate relationships with people you implicitly trust.
Drop a hint
If you're too shy for the full monty, or want to tread lightly, suggest nudity. Sometimes, a suggestion can fire up the imagination in a way even the real deal cannot. Think sheets barely covering what needs to be covered, practically begging to be tugged at, loosely wrapped towels, sheer clothing, crossed legs...the possibilities are endless.
God, and devil is in the detail
If you're describing something you want to do to your partner or something you want them to do on you, make sure you throw in some descriptive details so that their imagination can torture them to your satisfaction. Consider this — isn't "I want to put my lips on your breasts and tease your nipples with my tongue while you straddle me and feel my balls pushing against your butt" SO much hotter than "I want to lift you and play with your boobs"?
Fantasy shared is pleasure doubled
Ever had a fantasy too bold for you to actually go through with it? Share it with your partner over text. Maybe the role play will restrict itself to your messenger. Or, maybe once you've said the words out loud, the thrill will make you turn it into reality. Either way, it's hot when you trust your partner with your kinkiest thoughts.
Why should you let your partner in on your solo action every once in a while? Because hearing that your partner pleasures themselves by fantasising about you is a great boost to the ego and the libido.
Is this a bad time?
If you know that the answer is yes, it's the perfect time to sext your partner. If your calendars are synced, distracting your partner with raunchy sexts as they battle with spreadsheets, deadlines and group meetings is frustratingly hot because of all the dirty thoughts running through their minds as they struggle to concentrate and keep a straight face.
Find a porn clip of something you want to try and send it to them. A word of warning though — make sure you warn them to either mute the volume or put on headphones while playing the video, and not play the video with colleagues around. Also, avoid doing this if your partner's devices are plugged into the office network. You never know what might be getting monitored and you don't want them to receive agitated calls from the HR or IT departments demanding to know why they're streaming porn during work. Save porn clips for when your partner is travelling or nighttime naughtiness if you don't live together.
SMSese might be convenient when you're scurrying around juggling a dozen tasks, but it really doesn't fly when you're trying to turn on your partner with your words. Struggling to decipher what your partner's poor spellings are trying to convey is the opposite of sexy. Sext like a grown-up.
Eliminate the emojis
It's sad that this actually needs to be said out loud. No normal person wants to feel like they're sexting with a child. If you're being sassy or naughty, trust me, your partner will know. You don't need to add wink emojis to reinforce the message. Emojis are sexting buzz-kill.
Less is more
If you're a person of few words, this one is never a miss; just tell them you're naked right now and nothing more. They'll imagine you lying naked in bed, padding around the house naked, taking a shower, doing any number of activities without a stitch of clothing. You don't even actually have to be naked; you just have to tell them you are and disappear while they marinate in their salty thoughts.
If you're not someone who can conjure up fantasies and hypothetical situations and put them into words, borrow from the past. Bring up a hot memory — the first time you had sex, made out like hormonal teenagers, felt each other up in public and describe how you felt when your partner's body was pressed against you the first time. It's romantic and sexy.
Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde
There is immense potential for role play in words. If you're usually aggressive in bed, make up a sexting alter ego that's submissive and eager to please. If you're shy in real life, turn into a demanding, commanding firebrand. Who knows, maybe the role play will escape the confines of your messenger and find expression in your bedroom as well.
Romantic VS Raunchy
Sexting is about sex. It's most effective when it's direct, somewhat detailed and neither unnaturally verbose nor excessively biological. Don't oscillate between tenderness and lustfulness, it will confuse the receiver and eventually make them lose interest. Figure out what you really want to do and stick to it, until the conversation organically takes another turn.
Know when to stop
Sexting is fun when it's unexpected. If you're going to keep droning on and on for hours on end or try to engage your partner in sexual innuendo every time you text, you're going to ruin it for them and come across as a sex addict or a perv. Like chocolates, sexting is good in moderation.