09/02/2017 1:47 PM IST | Updated 10/02/2017 4:00 PM IST

7 Stages Of Grief Bollywood Fans Go Through While Trying To Dance In 'Posh' Clubs With No Hindi Music

Dil aisa kisi na mera toda...


Are you that friend in your gang whose heart sinks a little closer to your stomach with every passing track in your favourite club? By the time the club has played everything from Closer to Cheap Thrills, and your friends have done that Beginners'-Bharatnatyam-For-White-People step to Lean On, you are on the verge of a breakdown. Which means you are ready to lock yourself up in the pub loo, play Sheila Ki Jawani on your phone and dance to it.

It's never been easy for your tribe. You have to constantly worry no one checks your phone and finds Hero No 1 to Tu Mera Hero and everything dance-able in between on the playlist. You have people shaking their heads in agreement when the hot date spends 15 minutes explaining just how bad people's taste in music has to be to want to dance to Bollywood. The kind of grief you have to put yourself through to say, "Ewww, I know!"

However, I am here to let you know that you're not alone and many of us go through the exact same motions and emotions every weekend we are out partying.

9:00 pm: Hello, my old enemy EDM. I can totaaaaallly deal with you. I'll get a drink and go easy on the Coke.

9:30 pm: Oh, why wasn't Calvin Harris my history teacher in school? He would pass me if I had just written one sentence in the entire paper. Maybe, "Kadam Kadam Badhaye Jaa... jaaa .. jaaa.. j-a-a-a-a.... jaa-aa-aa-ah, jaa-aa-aa-ah."

10:00 pm: Yaar, Hotline Bling, really? How is this cooler than 'tera pyaar pyaar pyaarHookah Bar?'

10:30 pm: Okay, I reaaaalllyy need Kar Gayi Chull. Oh wait, I know this song... "I donnn need no mawaaa aur bidi.... as long as I can fee-eel the BPeee....*shout* I LOVE CHEAP THRILLS." I can do this, I can do this...

11:00 pm: OMG, does that sound like London Thumakda? Oh yes yes yes, baad main jaa lena toilet... Here comes my thumkaaa... aaand did he just mix SORRY with it? Bieber ka bachcha!!!

11:30 pm: I'm broke, I am drunk, I have twerked against a chair, my neck hurts from fake bopping and I have not danced even once! DJ kahaan hai, kahaan hai DJ????

12:00 pm: DJ Waale Babu, where's my gaanaa? Show some sanskaar and play Baby Doll no? Or else go to Trump-istan!!!