Bollywood: (n) a woman-objectifying machine that has been operating for around 100 years.
Is the heroine as fierce as thunder, as spicy as tandoori murgi, as calming as Zandu Balm and as light as air? If not, then what even is the point of her, right?
From khilta gulab and shayar ka khwab the Hindi film heroine is now everything from 'halwa' to a jeep that needs petrol. And
nobody very few are complaining.
If you have missed the absurdity of comparing women to strange objects while dancing to these songs at that sangeet or bachelor party, here's an eye-opener for you.
1. Tandoori murgi
We agree tandoori murgi is beautiful. Only, calling a woman one is gross.
2. Angur ki daughter
Because how else will we get to scream 'WTF'?
3. Zandu Balm
And there's no escaping the pain of ridiculous objectification.
4. Cinema hall
Because... nah, can't explain this one.
5. Gehre paani ki machhli
Coming up next: Jaws, with the shark replaced with a woman.
6. Desi chidiyan
7. Baby doll sone di
A golden infant doll? A thing that cannot exist and shouldn't as well.
8. Cellular phone
What else do you call someone who talks a lot, right?
9. Lakkha da note
This one can hope she isn't demonetised one fine evening.
Because who said women and bhelpuri should have different qualities?
11. Resham ki dor
No, anorexia is not romantic.
12. Saanpon ki rani
See, now women can rule things other than the kitchen. How progressive!
From tandoori murgi to halwa, we are actually a shapeshifting superfood according to Bollywood songs.
This is the zenith of women's aspirations -- to be THIS useful.
15. Afghan jalebi
Gah. Women ≠ food. Get it? GET IT?
16. Sharaabon ki pyaali
Stop drinking while writing songs.