The world is a better place when you're having great sex. And while we're all for physics and biology-defying, limbs contorted in unimaginable ways kind of adventurous sex, that's not really going to happen every night, is it? Imagine a world where we're all constantly scrambling to find something new to do every time we had sex! So we did the homework for you. Here are 10 steps to help you have the best sex of your life, pretty much all the time.
Step 1: Lace up
We know you'd like to think of sex as exercise, but no, that's not nearly enough. To be able to have Olympic sex, you're going to have to work that body first. Exercise improves blood circulation and the increased blood flow to the genitals is a big boost to the libido. Not to mention that when you're in good shape, your stamina and lasting power go through the roof and you'll be fit enough to try some of the more complex positions. Plus, the endorphins will make you feel relaxed and the sex more enjoyable. There's research to back this up too. In a study published in 2012 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, men who exercised claimed to be twice as sexually satisfied as those who didn't.
Step 2: Step out
No, no, we're not advocating sex in public spaces; but every once in a while, shake things up by doing it in unexpected places. There's something insanely exciting about leaving a trail of clothes around the house to end up in the... attic? On the sofa? Kitchen? (Although, if you do find yourself finishing off there, clean up vigorously, after!)
Step 3: Throw out the clock
It's not just the bedroom; most of us unwittingly confine our sex lives to unimaginative schedules. Sexy time is preceded by favourite daily soap and news show? Sounds familiar? Get your sex life out of the routine rut with sudden, completely unplanned rendezvous. There is no better use of a long lunch than spending it in bed with your partner.
"The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game. The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving". No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone." Erica Jong, Fear Of Flying
Step 4: Un-define the goal
The goal doesn't always have to be orgasm. Before you leap out of your chair, offended by the suggestion that we ignore those precious punches of pleasure, consider this: when orgasm is the only goal and yardstick for sexual pleasure, you're keeping yourself bereft of a whole world of experimentation and the fun you could be having before you see shooting stars. Great sex is not about hurtling towards an orgasm at breakneck speed, it is to feel toe-curlingly fantastic while it's being had.
Step 5: Don't write off the quickie
And don't underestimate its power, either. While long, languorous lovemaking sessions are great, sometimes it's not your emotions that need tending, it's your body — you want sex, not lovemaking, purely as a basic instinct. Don't deny yourself by putting it off for later till there's "enough time". Erica Jong said it best in her book, Fear of Flying: "The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game. The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving". No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn."
Step 6: Be prepared
There is a time for spontaneity and there is a time for planning. If you're attempting something new, make sure all the equipment you might need is within arm's distance. Stopping mid-way to rummage around the drawers for condoms, lubes, vibrators, massage oils, whipped cream, handcuffs...whatever it is you need, is no one's idea of great sex. Plan ahead when you're being adventurous.
Step 7: Don't fake it
If you're going to fake moan and scream every time your partner does things that don't necessarily work for you, you're going to be saddled with them until that big embarrassing showdown when the frustration comes tumbling out one day. No one is a mind reader and everyone is happier when each partner is secure enough to communicate what gets their internal thermostats soaring.
Step 8: Do something completely out of character
When was the last time you tried something for the first time? As inspirational and wistful as it sounds on your Facebook wall, it's equally true for your sex life. If you're usually the shrinking violet, talk yourself into playing the dominatrix, if only for one night. If you're the one who is always in control, relinquish it for once and see what that does for you and your partner. Don't stick to your signature moves and positions all the time, even if you fail, the thrill of the surprise will make sex more enjoyable for you and your partner. Role play, secret fantasies, daring positions that made you curious but you chickened out of trying...give it a shot.
Step 9: Eliminate all distraction
No ringing phones, beeping laptops, buzzing tablets, TVs or any of the gazillion gadgets you're surrounded by, 24/7. When you're getting down and dirty with your partner, the outside world should cease to exist. You'll feel the difference in how unbelievably connected you are to your partner when the logistics of life can't intrude in your togetherness.
Step 10: Tear up the manual
Nobody, absolutely no one can decide what great sex should mean to you. That's entirely for you to figure out. The definition can keep evolving, as you go along life. Go crazy with trial, error, rinse and repeat!