The women of Twitter have us in splits. They've proved that you don't have to be a stand-up comic to slay on a daily basis.
From current issues to daily irritants, they have it all covered.
Here are some of the wittiest tweets you'll read today or this week or maybe this year.
1.
TV pe show ek dhang ka nahi hai par remote pe button itne hai ki banda aeroplane chala le.
— फ्रु (@Oinkoo) July 15, 2014
2.
Ugh hate it when I suddenly can't wear my torn underwear because I'm in a 'relationship'.
— can you not (@amyoosed) November 7, 2014
3.
me- so lol friendzoning is like rsvp-ing "maybe" to a facebook event invitation
uber driver- pls ask my salary like everybody else
— Crapo (@Creepowoman) September 24, 2015
4.
5.
Me:*cleans house*replaces bedsheets*rolls round rotis*paints grandma's toenails*
Ma: Hum tumhare jitne the tab hum roller coaster banate the
— glistening placenta (@AccioBae) June 5, 2015
6.
On a serious note, Gandhiji is not smiling.
— Poonam Khatri (@poonamkhatri) July 30, 2013
7.
While we are busy changing names & calling Bombay Mumbai & Bangalore Bengaluru, can we do something about Bhosari here in Pune?
— Protima Tiwary (@DumbbellsnDrama) February 25, 2016
8.
9.
10.
When he finally finds your g-spot pic.twitter.com/jgFRLyAW7q
— Priyal (@priyal) October 7, 2015
11.
12.
If you take the words 'Daaru', 'Gaadi' and 'Kudi' out of Punjabi songs, all you would have to listen to is 'oho x10'.
— P (@lovehandle_) April 15, 2013
13.
"i broke my wrist"
facebook: oh my god are you okay should i send food
twitter: how will you masturbate now
— a kite (@pigeonladyX) May 5, 2016
14.
Just did the hand-out-of-taxi-to-feel-the-rain thing from Wake Up Sid and cabbie yelled at me saying "PEHLE BOLNE KA NA RIGHT LENA HAI"
— Crapo (@Creepowoman) June 24, 2013
15.
Jab dono "didn't told" se hain raazi,
Toh kya karlega Grammar Nazi?
— Megha (@ammoloaded) October 17, 2012
16.
"Hasta kya hai be ?"
"Verb"
— no (@mumbaiifreak) October 25, 2013
17.
Bhaiya, puchke mein thoda aur teekha daalo pic.twitter.com/TiUbRQ2p5m
— Princess Consuela (@lady_gabbar) September 10, 2015
18.
Hey @britishairways, here I have made you a new, improved campaign. xoxo pic.twitter.com/mqLDXIDaJs
— Namaah (@The_HappyNoodle) February 16, 2016
19.
20.
*visits Spain*
Local: Welcome to Spain! Como estas?
Me: Bailamos, let the rhythm take you over bailamos
— Likaaaaaaaaaaa (@supaarwoman) April 7, 2015
21.
Daft Punk on the way to work. pic.twitter.com/AqtYgr0icH
— Anuradha (@anuradha_kush) May 20, 2016
22.
Q. How do the Emirati babies cry?
A. "uae uae..."
— Sense of tumor (@dashhtweets) February 25, 2015
23.
24.
25.
"Toh Kya Ukhad loge?" is something you never say to a Dentist
— Priyanka Lahiri (@lahirip) June 13, 2013
26.
27.
28.
Lets take a moment to acknowledge the oddity of Akshay Kumars shaved armpits in this movie.Boat party anyone? pic.twitter.com/Ei8f4aQMQa
— Purva (@thatobesewoman) March 1, 2015
29.
Breaking news : Katrina Kaif was severely injured in an upcoming movie while doing impossible stunts like giving an expression.
— Prajakta. (@SocialBitterfly) September 19, 2014
30.
31.
"I can't believe you're single. I mean, who wouldn't want to go out with you?" "Hey, do you want to go out with m--" "Ooh look aeroplane!"
— Namaah (@The_HappyNoodle) October 9, 2012
32.
Sharmaji ka beta pic.twitter.com/dBSHQ7xtMi
— Sneha Pai (@ClassicallyWild) May 23, 2016
33.
34.
@irvpaswan@SushmaSwaraj Dear Ministers, @Samsung_IN sold me a defective refrigerator, they r not ready to replace pic.twitter.com/G87Jwh6slD
— Venkat (@M_VenkatM) June 13, 2016
Brother I cannot help you in matters of a Refrigerator. I am very busy with human beings in distress. https://t.co/cpC5cWBPcz
— Sushma Swaraj (@SushmaSwaraj) June 13, 2016
35.
36.
37.
iPhone auto backup pic.twitter.com/wpxSOKWogu
— Sandhya Ramesh (@sandygrains) July 31, 2016
38.
Twitter, where you log in saying "Kya ho raha hai?" And log out saying "Ho kya raha hai?"
— Priyanka Lahiri (@lahirip) November 24, 2015
39.
Doctor : where does it hurt?
Me : *shows him tweets with 0 favs and 0 RTs* here
— Lola Kuttiamma (@Priya_Menon) August 20, 2015
40.
If we don't get off the flight within the first 50 seconds of it landing, the flight will take off again with us in it - Indians
— Priyal (@priyal) December 12, 2014
41.
Told the taxi dude to jump the red light and now wondering if he's wondering how wild I am in bed
— can you not (@amyoosed) April 25, 2016
42.
43.
Friend just dropped me to metro station in his white Swift Dzire and I ended up saying "bhaiya trip end kar dena".
— Namelass (@DilliBelle) October 28, 2015
44.
Flights delayed due to fog. One lady tells her husband "next time se we'll go by another airline ok?"
— PollyP (@PolyesterPalla) November 7, 2015
45.
the capital of Boman Irani is Bmuscat Tehrani
— Rega Jha (@RegaJha) February 22, 2016
46.
Ke main hu hero tera ~ Akshay Kumar to about 15 directors in a year
— mediocre gandhi (@drpoonam) August 31, 2015
47.
"Are you a bike or car person?"
"I am a poor person."
— LordAnusHahaha (@TheVacuumHead) July 23, 2014
48.
*Dad reporting missing daughters in police station*
Inspector-any picture of girl ?
*Girl appears from nowhere*
"But pls delete aftr seeing"
— DaaTanchiTaai (@runjhunmehrotra) February 15, 2016
49.
50.
when only the girl's side has paid for the photographer pic.twitter.com/NyssCDRPdn
— Nish De Gea (@RootKanal) June 9, 2015
51.
52.
Office jaake kamao,
Salary dekhke LMAO.
— Madhura (@PunsTurnMeOn) July 29, 2015
53.
54.
At a restaurant -
Me: Excuse me, isme celery bahut kam hai.
Waiter: haha aapki bhi?
Me: haha
Waiter: haha
Me: Crie
Waiter: Crie
— S. (@Kalamwali_Bai) November 13, 2015
55.
56.
57.
Used so much Fair&Lovely on my face that now I can't even walk down the street without winning sports tournaments or getting job offers.
— Cathartic Screams (@Just_Screams) November 4, 2015
58.
Didi tera dewar deewanaaaa
Haye ram kudiyon ko kare sexually harass under the garb of archaic tradition giving his actions legitimacy.
— Peglet (@PedestrianPoet) April 8, 2016
59.
Didn't have my ID card at the club, so just showed the bouncer that I didn't know how to use Snapchat, and he let me in.
— Animisha (@anymysha) May 4, 2016
60.
61.
62.
63.
64.
65.
66.
Sometimes I charge my phone up to 98% and unplug it bcz why should I be the only one who didn't have the orgasm
— 98% (@amyoosed) November 12, 2016
67.
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70.
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