The women of Twitter have us in splits. They've proved that you don't have to be a stand-up comic to slay on a daily basis.
From current issues to daily irritants, they have it all covered.
Here are some of the wittiest tweets you'll read today or this week or maybe this year.
TV pe show ek dhang ka nahi hai par remote pe button itne hai ki banda aeroplane chala le.— फ्रु (@Oinkoo) July 15, 2014
Ugh hate it when I suddenly can't wear my torn underwear because I'm in a 'relationship'.— can you not (@amyoosed) November 7, 2014
me- so lol friendzoning is like rsvp-ing "maybe" to a facebook event invitation— Crapo (@Creepowoman) September 24, 2015
uber driver- pls ask my salary like everybody else
Guy: Your boobs are amazing.— Animisha (@anymysha) December 27, 2014
Me: Thanks, I grew them myself.
Me:*cleans house*replaces bedsheets*rolls round rotis*paints grandma's toenails*— glistening placenta (@AccioBae) June 5, 2015
Ma: Hum tumhare jitne the tab hum roller coaster banate the
On a serious note, Gandhiji is not smiling.— Poonam Khatri (@poonamkhatri) July 30, 2013
While we are busy changing names & calling Bombay Mumbai & Bangalore Bengaluru, can we do something about Bhosari here in Pune?— Protima Tiwary (@DumbbellsnDrama) February 25, 2016
*During Viva*— nin (@NautankiNinja) October 25, 2015
Sir: Name the alkaline earth metals.
Me: Magnesium, Calcium.
Sir: Aur bolo.
Me: Main theek hu. Aap batao.
Yaha logo ka roka ho raha hai, aur mere sath ab bhi dhoka ho raha hai.— BeingNita (@VinithaShetty) April 17, 2016
When he finally finds your g-spot pic.twitter.com/jgFRLyAW7q— Priyal (@priyal) October 7, 2015
Totes going to Rahman's manicurist. pic.twitter.com/j6nax92opp— Scrappy Coco (@Nomnombiar) December 28, 2015
If you take the words 'Daaru', 'Gaadi' and 'Kudi' out of Punjabi songs, all you would have to listen to is 'oho x10'.— P (@lovehandle_) April 15, 2013
"i broke my wrist"— a kite (@pigeonladyX) May 5, 2016
facebook: oh my god are you okay should i send food
twitter: how will you masturbate now
Just did the hand-out-of-taxi-to-feel-the-rain thing from Wake Up Sid and cabbie yelled at me saying "PEHLE BOLNE KA NA RIGHT LENA HAI"— Crapo (@Creepowoman) June 24, 2013
Jab dono "didn't told" se hain raazi,— Megha (@ammoloaded) October 17, 2012
Toh kya karlega Grammar Nazi?
"Hasta kya hai be ?"— no (@mumbaiifreak) October 25, 2013
Bhaiya, puchke mein thoda aur teekha daalo pic.twitter.com/TiUbRQ2p5m— Princess Consuela (@lady_gabbar) September 10, 2015
I think Sanjay Dutt is India's first freelance prisoner— Sonali Thakker (@SonaliThakker) December 6, 2013
*visits Spain*— Likaaaaaaaaaaa (@supaarwoman) April 7, 2015
Local: Welcome to Spain! Como estas?
Me: Bailamos, let the rhythm take you over bailamos
Daft Punk on the way to work. pic.twitter.com/AqtYgr0icH— Anuradha (@anuradha_kush) May 20, 2016
Q. How do the Emirati babies cry?— Sense of tumor (@dashhtweets) February 25, 2015
A. "uae uae..."
I always thought "Vicco Turmeric, nahi cosmetic" was our national anthem which is why it played before every movie.— Aditi Mittal (@awryaditi) November 30, 2016
A man walks into a bar.— Shruti (@ShrutiSeTakkar) December 3, 2015
Everyone gets up and greets him cause he's their boss and it's not a bar it's a conference room and there's no joke
"Toh Kya Ukhad loge?" is something you never say to a Dentist— Priyanka Lahiri (@lahirip) June 13, 2013
Uncle : Beta abhi kya age ho gai hai tumhari— pinku (@LEDtvn) May 7, 2016
Me : 29 ki ho gai hun.
Uncle : Tumhari age me toh mai 35 ka ho gaya tha.
Waiting for The Chainsmokers and Matchbox Twenty to collaborate and do an album called Lung Cancer.— Shrutzpah (@shrutithenaik) February 8, 2017
Lets take a moment to acknowledge the oddity of Akshay Kumars shaved armpits in this movie.Boat party anyone? pic.twitter.com/Ei8f4aQMQa— Purva (@thatobesewoman) March 1, 2015
Breaking news : Katrina Kaif was severely injured in an upcoming movie while doing impossible stunts like giving an expression.— Prajakta. (@SocialBitterfly) September 19, 2014
Pic 1 : Humour of guys whom I like.— Saverita Fernandes. (@Fernandes_Savvy) January 19, 2017
Pic 2 : Humour of guys who like me. pic.twitter.com/6FJ59lUuif
"I can't believe you're single. I mean, who wouldn't want to go out with you?" "Hey, do you want to go out with m--" "Ooh look aeroplane!"— Namaah (@The_HappyNoodle) October 9, 2012
Sharmaji ka beta pic.twitter.com/dBSHQ7xtMi— Sneha Pai (@ClassicallyWild) May 23, 2016
Brother I cannot help you in matters of a Refrigerator. I am very busy with human beings in distress. https://t.co/cpC5cWBPcz— Sushma Swaraj (@SushmaSwaraj) June 13, 2016
...... pic.twitter.com/BH27lzjDit— Nirzary (@nirzary) August 23, 2016