45 Indian Puns You Wish You Could Unread (But LOL'd Anyway)

"I laughed yesterday in Hindi is Michael Hussey."

Puns aren't for everyone. While some people are compulsive punsters, others detest them with a vengeance. Having said that, pun Twitter is fun Twitter. Puns are mostly clever, unexpected and annoying (when do not get them) and funny (when you finally do).

Here are some desi puns that will make you laugh uproariously, or kill the maker.

1.

"Stay offline." - Laxman to Sita

— Avinash Iyer (@IyerAvin) May 4, 2013

2.

Mayawati Ctrls + All + Dalit.

— Pathikrit Sanyal (@BucketheadCase) January 20, 2013

3.

Rivers can not hear because woh Behri hoti hain.

— D. (@bdheeraj) September 6, 2014

4.

My watch is stuck between 2 and 2.30. It's a do or dhai situation.

— not chin2 (@PunsNProses) August 9, 2012

5.

Chrome: Aja shaam hone ayi

Internet explorer: mausam ne li angdayi

Chrome: toh kis baat ki hai ladayi?

Internet explorer: tu chal, mein IE

— Pranav (@pranavsapra) June 24, 2015

6.

Girl 1-a what you doing ya?

Girl 2-nothing ya you ya?

G1-coffee ya?

G2- o ya ya

G1- o yaya

Yayayaaa.

Yayayaa..

Jo bhi mai ..kehna chahu...

— Bakwas Rider (@BakwasRadio) December 6, 2013

7.

Never say "give me five" to a snake. Woh tumhe dus dega.

— Mihir (@mihirmodi) September 25, 2011

8.

"I asked you to bring 8 chapati but you brought only 6."

"Nahi sir, aapko kulche dikh rahe hai, paranthe."

— Mohit Ghune (@Ghunegaar) January 15, 2016

9.

What did Jaya say to Abhishek when they saw Amitabh coming home in a rickshaw, "Rickshey mein toh woh tumhare baap lagte hai"

— K. (@beeba_puttar) October 20, 2012

10.

A potato was interrogated by cops. After 3 hours of torture, it gave in and said 'Main batata hun, main batata hun...'

— NumbYaar (@NumbYaar) April 12, 2013

11.

Deepikachu pic.twitter.com/tpqiK7Hxd4

— k (@krazyfrog) October 26, 2014

12.

13.

"Yahoo! Messenger." - Sita after seeing Hanuman in Lanka for the first time.

— not chin2 (@PunsNProses) June 30, 2012

14.

*termites on date*

Waiter: what would you like to order, sir?

Termite: table for two.

— Viren (@Kaminapun) October 18, 2015

15.

Friends pay restaurant bills on a de-tu-de basis.

— Zorg (@prtxt) January 11, 2013

16.

Me - aaiye aunty baithiye.

Aunty - beta jara shift hona

Me - AAIYE AUNTY BAITHIYE.

— Swagshank (@zZoker) January 9, 2015

17.

'I laughed yesterday' in Hindi is 'Michael Hussey'.

— Avinash Iyer (@IyerAvin) April 10, 2013

18.

19.

Q. What did one circumference tell the other?

A. "2πr hai kisi aur ka, tujhe chahta koi aur hai..."

— Avinash Iyer (@IyerAvin) April 13, 2014

20.

Why does khudkhushi in hindi mean suicide instead of masturbation?

— jugal (@joogasama) June 5, 2014

21.

68 is a preposition.

— Abhishek Madan (@abhishekmadan) July 20, 2013

22.

The real name of our PM is NRIndra Modi.

— Sagarcasm (@sagarcasm) April 17, 2015

23.

Jackky, life mein kitni bhi problems aa jaye tum kabhi Bhagnani.

— D. (@bdheeraj) March 27, 2014

24.

Weed, tobacco, paper, filter: Joint family.

— izzy (@abcdefu) February 14, 2013

25.

*Jasmine rubs a magic lamp*

"Who are you?"

"Princess Jasmine."

"Then why dress like a whore?"

"WTF! Aren't you a genie?"

"I'm a misogenie."

— Praveen (@Pravmaga) September 24, 2015

26.

An old lady asked me the way to the temple, I replied 'Magistrate.'

— D. (@bdheeraj) May 7, 2014

27.

onions were not turning brown fast enough so I sent them to a spelling bee prep class

— Denver Ka Dhakkan (@tantanoo) June 9, 2014

28.

We are against reservation. - IRCTC

— izzy (@abcdefu) October 27, 2012

29.

Just saw a snake in Starbucks so I gently threw my coffee cup on its head to kill it so that saanp bhi mar jaye aur latte bhi na toote.

— Shan (@klpe) April 29, 2015

30.

"Mehendi laga ke rakhna, dowry saja ke rakhna"- Indians

— no (@Sarcusstic) June 5, 2013

31.

Me: "Excuse me, Beer ke saath kuch complementary toh do?"

Waiter: "Nice Shirt!"

— K. (@beeba_puttar) April 1, 2013

32.

IF YOU HAVE BLACK EYES THEN YOUR NAME IS RURU BECAUSE YE KALI KALI AANKHEIN? TU RURU. NOW APPLYING FOR NAME CHANGE IN PASSPORT.

— Bakwas Rider (@BakwasRadio) October 24, 2013

33.

"How do you pronounce repertoire?"

"You know the word 'report' right?"

"Yeah"

"Now say it like a Bihari"

"ripatwa... ohhhh"

— Abhishek Madan (@abhishekmadan) September 29, 2014

34.

God never tasted any cough syrup, because khuda-na-khasta.

— Billoo (@MohitParmarr) October 19, 2014

35.

Rahul Dravid's wristwatch is technically a wall clock.

— Stereotypewriter (@babumoshoy) May 7, 2014

36.

Arsenal naam hi galat hai. Na se nal hota hai

— frootifer vajpayee (@Oinkoo) April 27, 2014

37.

Russian porn gets me soviet.

— Madhura (@PunsTurnMeOn) June 28, 2015

38.

Toll Booths are nothing but Bill Gates.

— Eggamind (@Stupidosaur) June 13, 2014

39.

Why are they called food bloggers and not beta tasters

— Pratheeksha (@madpr) November 22, 2015

40.

"What's the way to the cemetery?"

"Go straight and take the last rite."

— AJ (@warpedinxs) January 7, 2016

41.

At PVR:

"One chicken burger please."

"Sir do you want me to vomit?"

"Sorry?"

"Sir, I vomit?"

(30 second pause)

"Oh yeah please warm it."

— Akshar (@AksharPathak) September 25, 2013

42.

Vishwanathan Anand gets tensed when the waiter in the hotel says 'Sir Check'

— P.R. (@pr_akash_raj) November 11, 2014

43.

A triangle asks

"Tu jaanta hai mera baap cone hai" ...and rotates 360°.

— God Particle (@Gott_Partikel) November 23, 2014

44.

"Hasta kya hai be ?"

"Verb"

— वट's अप baby डॉल (@mumbaiifreak) October 25, 2013

45.

Mahabharata was nothing but sara bhai vs sara bhai.

— Manas (@Spooferman_) November 21, 2014

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