Here's a fun activity: go to your 'Following' list on Twitter and check the first few accounts you followed. Yes, it's kind of embarrassing. Twitter, long, long ago, was that platform that gave you unhindered stalking rights to follow the actor, actress, sports star or musician of you have obsessed over the most. However, how long could you survive on love, peace, and we-party-with-other-stars posts? Or, if you are very lucky - like Salman Khan lucky - you would get a 'happy bday' tweet back.
How then, some of you managed to hang around on Twitter? Apart from the satisfaction of being an audience to squabbles, the Twitter jokes played a big role in making you stick around Twitter.
On any given day, the people who brighten up your Twitter timeline - quite literally - are not the PR dominated handles of stars. It is that meme about Modi or that joke about Rahul Gandhi.
You have shared them, used them as ice-breakers in dates and generally binged on them on the most boring of workdays, but what does it take to come up with witty one-liners or masterfully structured jokes that are sure to go viral?
On Monday, Playboy carried out a story which inspired us to carry out a desi version on the similar lines.
This is what Twitter's funniest men and women had to say about their most 'viral' jokes.
and then she was like iss pyaar ko kya naam duun bechain dil ko kaise aaram dun and rabba was like yeh puchne ke liye chaalis baar bulaya.— Denver Ka Dhakkan (@tantanoo) December 11, 2015
You know how your 'mind-voice' sings sometimes? Mine has a particular fondness for the worst of Bollywood music(and a LOT of Govinda). So, one December evening back in 2015, my mindvoice was singing Rabba mere rabba rabba. Incessantly. That's when I realized that Kareena (while my mindvoice was singing this monstrosity, my mind-eyes completely refused to picture Tusshar) was earnestly summoning rabba only to ask him a rhetorical question. I was just feeling a tad bit sad for rabba and hence the tweets.
My favorite bit about that set of tweets, though, are the people who zealously reminded me that it wasn't actually Kareena but Tusshar who summons Rabba. Thanks to them, if I ever run into Kareena, I'll probably apologize for these tweets.
'Aur bata' is like the CPR attempted on a dying conversation.— dorku (@Dorkstar) May 17, 2013
Have always hated talking on the phone. Specially small talk and those catch up talks with old friends who only call up on birthdays or so. And 'Aur bata' is just the most annoying filler that is used to continue a conversation which is not going anywhere. It's like I want this conversation to die but the other person revives it by giving CPR. So the tweet just came from there
If you buy a royal enfield, it will wait 3 months for you then go to ladakh by itself.— Mr. RK Gupta (@prtxt) September 28, 2014
I used to notice one neighbor commuting from work to home on a Bullet regularly. For some reason I was convinced that he's been to Ladakh. One day I asked about his trip experience and then it occurred to me how the Enfield has become synonymous with Ladakh trip. He never went to Ladakh, of course.
Volvo buses were invented so that nobody misses out on the worst movies ever.— Mr. RK Gupta (@prtxt) December 11, 2013
Volvos. Well. I've travelled and still have to travel a lot by buses. Every bus journey remains in your mind with one memory - you enduring the shittiest of cinema playing right in your face. This one time the film i had to watch was Players which prompted the tweet. I had actively avoided the movie but you have no power in bus.
[Flipkart notifications]— Akshar (@AksharPathak) December 17, 2015
Your order has been placed
Your order's been processed
Abhi seller tape lagaega
Delivery boy is wearing shoes now
I order things online a lot. I love it. It's like sending a gift to yourself. I order so much, that sometimes I forget what I ordered in the first place. Loljk. They remind you the whereabouts of it with 45000 messages.
Watching such close t20 matches with your parents is a test of your tongue. #IndvsBan— Sagarcasm (@sagarcasm) March 23, 2016
During my college days, I was away from my parents. I always saw cricket matches with friends and cussing at such times was common. Using cuss words help in expressing one's emotions better. Now that I am back home, staying with my parents, controlling my tongue while watching very close matches is a huge challenge.
Gabbar:nach basanti— Bakwas Rider (@BakwasRadio) April 12, 2016
Veeru:basanti in kutton k samne mat nachna
V:naaai basanti mat nachna
On twitter, it happens many times that you become a ping pong ball in a conversation between two people. They will not untag you and yet continue conversing. This scene of Veeru asking Basanti to not to dance in front of Gabbar is just that, Basanti being the ping pong ball here.
Girl 1-a what you doing ya?— Bakwas Rider (@BakwasRadio) December 6, 2013
Girl 2-nothing ya you ya?
G2- o ya ya
G1- o yaya
Jo bhi mai ..kehna chahu...
I have heard many girls ending everything they speak with a 'ya'. Let's go yaa, aye come on ya. So one fine day I was listening to this O ya ya song and was able to link the two things, and it turned out to be a perfect fit.
*termites on date*— Viren (@Kaminapun) October 18, 2015
Waiter: what would you like to order, sir?
Termite: table for two.
When you're on a date, in order to impress her/him, sometimes you say something stupid. I was thinking about one of such instances and recreating the scene in my mind. (should have said this instead of that lol) So this termite thing came in my mind. And then I wrote this.
Me:*cleans house*replaces bedsheets*rolls round rotis*paints grandma's toenails*— glistening placenta (@AccioBae) June 5, 2015
Ma: Hum tumhare jitne the tab hum roller coaster banate the
Living two decades of your life with a bunch of overachievers is a real downer when you're as lazy as me. This tweet in particular was a result of a very condescending remark my grandma made when I celebrated the rare occasion of my waking up on time.
I see accomplished people who were born the same year as I was& I console myself saying that they're 2.5 months older than me so I have time— glistening placenta (@AccioBae) December 7, 2015
At the brink of graduating college, my classmates have already applied for scholarships and gotten themselves jobs. I was still in denial about having to "grow up" and do things that actual adults are supposed to do. what prompted me to write this tweet at the time, though, was when I read an article about my (very, very accomplished) senior from
"Super Nirma se saare daag chale jaayenge aur mummy ko pata bhi nahi chalega."— V (@Sarcusstic) October 19, 2013
"Kyu nahi pata chalega?"
"Unki 10saal pehle death ho gayi."
I was (still am) a huge fan of Jeselnik (and dark humour, in general). So around that time, I started cracking a lot of dark jokes and apparently this one got famous.
What if Laxman Shivramakrishnan turns out to be an atheist?— V (@Sarcusstic) May 28, 2013
One day I heard Laxman Shivramakrishnan screaming oh my god what a brilliant shot and I was like what if this dude is an atheist. That would be like bizarre.
A group of relatives is called an interrogation.— amrtsh (@floydimus) January 5, 2016
Was quitting job at the time and leaving Bombay. So the relatives there invited for dinner the night before the tweet and at the table discussed what new job what package are you seeing any girl is shaadi kab kar rahe ho and ten different questions
It's sad how the death of one earpiece of your headphones leaves the other to a life of neglect & uselessness for no fault of its own.— amrtsh (@floydimus) October 8, 2012
It was monsoons, went to office, plugged in headphones, left was working fine, right wala had noise coming out of it maybe spoiled in the rain so had to sit thru the day without music got frustrated and tweeted
Non smokers look down on smokers. Smokers look down on paan masala chewers. Masala chewers don't look at all & spit on shoes of non smokers.— mrdl (@Psilosophy) January 5, 2013
Was at my paanwala to get daily sutta stock. Saw one dude put his head out of the bus window while he was on call and spit on the road without looking first. He ended up splitting on a v v buddhe uncle.
Nice to see 6th std. kids sent to IIT coaching. Pregnant females in India should start eating Physics textbooks for a bit early preparation.— udaas priest (@UdaasPriest) December 2, 2012
The tweet was result of some furore over a new coaching class for kids in 6th std. The tweet sounds sarcastic but I was being truthful as that's what I am doing to my kids. I am also telling them "you are adopted" so they feel forever in debt and it'll ensure my old age is secure enough. Will take this a step further. Before the child is conceived, my wife too will have to take classes in physics, chemistry and maths because a child who didn't get into IIT is someone I don't want. I am lucky they don't have the option to abort once the child crosses the IIT JEE eligibility age or my dad would have gone for it. One guy replied to the tweet "I send my son too". That's when I knew I have a friend in him. Please ensure your kid goes to IIT. Every great person has been in IIT from Hamurabi to Gandhi, they all saw the doors of IIT. They don't tell us because they are scared.
*sells kidney to satisfy dad's expectations and gives him money*— udaas priest (@UdaasPriest) December 25, 2014
"umm, you know what, our neighbour's son's kidney fetched more than this"