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Don't Steal An Accident Victim's Phone Or Kidneys (And Other Dos and Don'ts)

17/08/2016 2:37 PM IST | Updated 18/08/2016 8:28 AM IST
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If you consume social media daily for your breakfast, you must've noticed the infamous Delhi autorickshaw incident, hovering over all your timelines like the ghost of Modi's past. In case you missed it and can't be bothered to click on the link above, let me briefly explain what happened.

Helping a victim might leave some red spots on your shirt, but it will surely wash away some of the darker sins you've done in your life.

So, there was this guy in Delhi who was walking on the road and then booooom. He got hit by an auto. What happened later boggled everyone's minds. For like five minutes after the incident, everyone ignored that poor dude on the side of the road, because who wants to help some helpless guy when they can reach their office on time and sip their coffees before getting their ass whooped by some boss in his early 50s who doesn't give a fuck about his or his company's future? So anyway, after five minutes you finally see a man going towards the victim to help him. Then you see him picking up the victim's phone and fucking off like nothing happened. If humanity ever existed, it got peed upon by that thief. However, these things don't shock me anymore. I have given up on this society anyway. What shocked me the most was that it wasn't a juvenile driving a Mercedes that crashed into the victim. Like, on a normal day I would expect only a rich kid trampling over two or three people with his car. So, this story was a pleasant surprise.

Even the part where no one helps the poor guy isn't shocking for me. Because, clearly, we have never been taught about what to do when we spot an accident victim lying injured on the side of a road. There seem to be no dos and don'ts that we are aware of in such situations. So, I tried to jot down some in case you spot someone crying in pain on the side of the road and it is not just Sonu Nigam singing in a poor man's attire.

Don'ts

1. If you spot someone suffering in pain on some roadside, don't run away from the scene. Helping him might leave some red spots on your shirt, but it will surely wash away some of the darker sins you've done in your life. And think about it, what if the dude you helped out, turns out to be some super-rich kid and gifts you an Audi or something? Be a little brave, help them, and get that Audi. There won't be a more deserving person than you.

2. Don't steal their belongings. You might see their mobile phone, laptop bag, watch, wallet, cash, Pokémon or some intestines lying around, and you might be tempted to catch 'em all. Don't. What you can do instead is check their last dialled number and call that number up while putting all the stuff (except the intestines) in a bag so that no one else can steal them. You know, if you can't, no one else should too, right?

Don't run them over with your car again. This is specifically for all the Bhai fans out there (and Bhai himself).

3. Don't take Snapchat selfies with them. It's sort of insensitive. You know, a bit.
Note: If you must, don't use the dog's filter on it.

4. Don't run them over with your car again. This is specifically for all the Bhai fans out there (and Bhai himself). And... and... if you do, please don't blame it on your driver. Leave at least one poor guy alone.

5. Don't call the police. Call an ambulance instead. The guy needs treatment from a doctor before someone asks him to sign 1700 different papers to make a fucking chargesheet against the guy who hit him. Also, when have the police ever arrived on time?

6. If the victim is not severely injured, help them get up. Don't mock them for driving poorly. This will not only hurt their self-esteem, but it will also increase the chances that they are gonna do the same whenever they spot a road accident victim. Because believe it or not, people give only what they get. Be it love or hostel girls' phone numbers.

7. Don't take his pic and upload it on your social media profiles with the caption, "When your bae says parents aren't home but you gotta lie on the road first." You may get the likes, but you will never get the love. Hashtag feelzzz.

8. If the victim is bleeding, don't wait for the path to get red and then walk all over it like a diva on the red carpet. Instead, help them tie up the wound and get them some water.

9. If you don't have anything to support the injured person with, don't hesitate to ask for help. I know people are generally rude, but maybe 1 out of 10 people will help you. You know, a bit of humanity still exists.

Don't call the police. Call an ambulance instead. The guy needs treatment from a doctor before someone asks him to sign 1700 different papers...

10. Don't drag the driver out of his car/auto and start beating him up. The first priority should always be to take care of the victim because a) S/he is dying and b) S/he is dying.

11. Make sure that you don't touch any of the popped-out body parts of the victim, even if you are one of the doctors from Hiranandani Hospital and the kidney seems too tempting not to steal. There is a proper procedure to steal kidneys and everyone must follow it.

12. Don't fucking blame your government for everything. Be a responsible citizen first.

Dos

Be a little human. That's all.

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