"I saw her at the restaurant. Can you believe it, she was dressed to the nines, had on red lipstick, mascara, blusher. And just wait for this... she was with a guy, drinking wine and having an intimate conversation. It's pretty clear why her marriage ended."
Now, even if this said divorcee was seen asking a McDonald's employee for extra ketchup, people would find a way to portray the scene as somehow indicative of her questionable character and loose morals.
That's just how it rolls when you're a woman going through a divorce. Character assassination and destructive gossip are par for the course. If you're young, you become a sex kitten, if you're older, you're a cougar on the prowl.
The image of a suffering, asexual divorcee is what is most acceptable to others and when you don't fit the mould, tongues start to wag.
You're not safe even if you're just enjoying a night out with friends to get away from the tension of a divorce.
The image of a suffering, asexual divorcee is what is most acceptable to others and when you don't fit the mould, tongues start to wag. What hurts even more is that other women are the first to eye you with suspicion, with married friends often closing ranks against the newly single and thus obviously predatory divorcee. The married women protect their husbands as though they are Greek gods and just freeze out the divorcee.
Rather than wait for that to happen, the best thing to do is talk to have an honest heart-to-heart with your married friends. If they are really good friends they'll not only understand your predicament but also appreciate your courage in being honest with them. And the true test of friendship is in the rough times. At least by confronting the issue head on, you'll know who your real friends are. These are the ones who will stand by you. As for the ones who won't? Who needs fake friends anyway?
While many women will see you as a predator, many men will see you as prey.
And let me not forget the men. While many women will see you as a predator, many men will see you as prey, just waiting to take advantage of your vulnerability. Going by my own experience and those of women in my support group, the married men are the worst of the lot, seeing in you the opportunity for a no-strings-attached liaison. Even if he tries to sweep you off your feet and appears as a form ofsuccour from the rigours of family court, try and resist the temptation. What usually happens is that the divorcee is unceremoniously dumped as soon as the wife finds out. Oh, and YOU are the villain of the piece, of course, not him.
Basically, getting a divorce means that talk of sex will surround you everywhere you go. You'd be forgiven for thinking that you've wandered off into a torrid Jackie Collins novel.
So, what should you do?
Our navigation through the perilous waters of sexual innuendo actually determines how we feel about ourselves. It's best if we cut the bullshit right in the beginning and any lewd suggestions about our personal sexual life should be laid to rest as soon as they surface.
No one has a right to comment on your sex life. Whether you want to or don't want to have an affair is entirely your personal choice.
A word of caution: the law doesn't look too kindly upon an affair if your divorce case is still pending in court since you are technically married.
A word of caution, though: the law doesn't look too kindly upon an affair if your divorce case is still pending in court. Legally, even if your matter is pending for years on end, the law expects you to be 'unadulterous' since you are technically married (never mind that the marriage is dead and buried) and having an affair with another person is not allowed under the purview of law.
Therefore, if your case is still pending, do exercise some discretion even if you're just going out with pals. After all, you don't want the opposing lawyer to hand out your photographs or Facebook posts linking you with a bunch of guys who you know are just your friends, looking like you're having the time of your life.
In India, good divorcees don't have fun.
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