THE BLOG

Star Wars 2019: The Force Goes To Work...

08/01/2016 5:21 PM IST | Updated 29/08/2016 9:42 PM IST
NEW! HIGHLIGHT AND SHARE
Highlight text to share via Facebook and Twitter

2016-01-06-1452081149-7917475-strom.jpg

After the astounding success of Star Wars Part 7: The Force Awakens, here is some carefully leaked information about the next two episodes in the new trilogy which will be called:

Star Wars Part 8: The Force Has Coffee

(To be released in 2017)

To be followed by

Star Wars Part 9: The Force Goes To Work

(To be released two years later in 2019.)

We don't quite know who will be acting in Part 8 just yet but rumour has it that it could well be Daniel Craig who is now more or less done with being James Bond and could use a new lease of life as a Jedi master.

We have some prior info about the opening crawl of Part 8 after the "A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away"...

Episode 8: The Force Has Coffee

(Please imagine Star Wars theme music at this point and the following in a golden-fonted opening crawl against the background of a dark starry night...)

George Lucas has disappeared. Disney has bought the rights to Star Wars and hired J J Abrams to write the new sequels. After a phenomenal opening at the box office in December 2015, the original fans of the original Star Wars who are also the most vociferous critics of Part 7 are hopelessly outnumbered and flee to the furthest corners of the blogosphere. Lucas appears on the Charlie Rose Show and attacks Disney for "mucking up the story." He later retracts his "White slavers" statement and apologizes for its inappropriateness but it is too late. Imperial Storm Troopers have already been dispatched to the furthest corners of the Galaxy to apprehend Lucas and bring him to justice...

Part 9: The Force Goes To Work

We don't have the opening crawl for this just yet but according to reliable sources in Disney, Part 9 is coincidentally slated for release in India at the same time as the 2019 Lok Sabha elections -- which is around the time most legislators actually go to work and try to do some of the things they were elected to do in the first place.

We don't quite know yet what the story line is going to be but we have it on good record that it will feature an Indian actress, (though not Aishwarya Rai or Priyanka Chopra necessarily). The Prime Minister of the largest democracy in the world, did, after all, stand next to Wolverine in Central Park, New York City, in 2014 and say, "May the Force be with you." That was no blooper or pleasantry. Political observers say that was a clear signal to Disney to come and "Make in India" the 9th episode and depending on how the Lok Sabha 2019 Elections go, perhaps even give him a befitting and suitable role.

Blogger's note: The above was a spoof and not meant to be confused with reality, OK? (But then again, who knows...?)

More On This Topic