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The Cycle Of Love And The Merry Go-Round Of Spouses

25/10/2015 8:17 AM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:25 AM IST
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Where do I begin? The romance is over. The buzz is out of the window. The marriage is a farce. This is the end of Part 1.

Everyone knows someone who is on their second round of love. Eat Pray Love Again is the new mantra. Empty nesters who look at each other and discover they no longer have a reason to stay together now that the kids are gone, women who outgrow their partners intellectually and financially, men who outgrow their women sexually. It's all happening, somewhere between turning 40 and the hair transplant.

Even our very own darling Shah Rukh as Raj in Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge may have had second thoughts, 20 years after he made us believe he was the perfect match for all of us. He was the ultimate boyfriend-turned son-in-law, turned husband (OK, the husband part is a question mark. We hope, but we don't know. The train had left the station when our heroine in her Manish Malhotra lehengas leapt on to it. So we actually have no clue what happened after the suhaag raat). Lets wait for the new Dilwale to find out if "Raj" is still the husband we all crave. Or did he lose the plot like so many others before him. All wives today are certainly not simpering Simran. Such types are as dated as Dalda Vanaspati.

"I actually know of women who have made Mr Rich, the third bakra, much older and loaded, pay off husband number 2 and banish him into comfortable silence..."

I am particularly fascinated by women who are the new serial wives. Their social growth curves are really steep, humbled only by the growth in their personal assets. There is actually a pattern to their progress. Most such accomplished women I know of, who have the unique ability to remain remarried, have started off very young and with simple men who worshipped them.

The First Love. It's the normal boy-meets-girl-in-middle-income-bracket. Raging hormones mingled with tears of pain and promises of everlasting romance. The Ally Mc Graw-Ryan O Neal type of Love Story. Except that this new woman doesn't die so romantically and leave the man bereft. She just exits. She may or may not have a baby with him, but if she does, chances are she will move on anyway and the granny will take over the mothering.

With, or most probably without baby in tow, she will seek and quickly find The Opportunity. The guy with a real job in a better social circle, some decent business connections and probably in a bigger city. This man is usually a tad brighter, and totally fascinated by this wanderlust woman who has had "such a hard life till now", but with the ability to make him feel like he is the only man in the room. He doesn't pay heed to his heart or head and marries her against all sound counsel and lives to regret it. After a couple of years of playing the wife, she finds him too ordinary.

Suddenly, it's over. Normally, there is very little alimony involved, and I actually know of women who have made Mr Rich, the third bakra, much older and loaded, pay off husband number 2 and banish him into comfortable silence so she can hang onto number three's large gold Rolexed arm at a party without guilt. Needless to add, this gentleman has since dispensed with his own gharwali who now tends to the offspring and even former in-laws in divorced bliss. It's hard to stay "pati vrata" with a pati who is always pataoing other ladies. Good riddance. She joins girlie travel groups and lives it up.

"Mr Rich normally lasts until the Viagra needs to come home along with the Sugarfree. And Madamji has convenient headaches and satsang appointments when that happens."

Mr Rich normally lasts until the Viagra needs to come home along with the Sugarfree. And Madamji has convenient headaches and satsang appointments when that happens. So he's OK with picking up floozies at parties and gold diggers in search of sugar daddyjis. By now our Madamji (no, not all are called Chatterjee or Mukerjea) has a guruji whom she hangs with and "heals" with. And a sympathetic potential husband number four is somewhere on the scene. The circle of love continues. Mr Rich will soon find himself a Ms Butt and Madamji will be on her way. The divorce will be fought until she likes the number of zeros in the financial settlement and little Ms Butt will pour herself into designer wear and starve herself to death for the rest of her active sex life to keep Mr Rich satisfied. Meanwhile, pending divorce, Madam will continue to be the resident MBA (marriage and bhog attender). Many fillers and facial peels later, she will discover God and Goa. And we will have another story to tell. Part 3 has just begun.

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