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My Secret Superpower

06/10/2015 2:16 PM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:25 AM IST
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I was sitting and chatting with the husband over a cup of tea when his mobile phone rang. One minute into the conversation, in a honey-drenched voice he said to the person at the other end, "Why don't you talk to my wife? She has been handling this issue and knows much more than me."

Before I could say, "Who?" the phone was shoved into my hand and he proceeded into the living room to sprawl himself on the couch and watch a mindless (seen-to-death) movie. As I spoke to the person, I realized it was about a recent distressing incident from one of the parties involved. I spoke at length with the man at the other end. After 15-20 minutes, he had finally seen my point of view and said that he will do everything in his power to help me. Feeling triumphant, I went over to hubby and said, "Looks like he will handle the matter to our satisfaction."

The husband replied, "After that much talking, he would have willed his entire estate to you!"

I should have known better, I guess. :)

This is not the first time he has 'praised' my talking skills. Very early into the marriage, he realized that getting into a prolonged conversation with his wife was a losing battle. Smartly, he would pretend to turn deaf or actually dose off while I was animatedly explaining something to him. Off late, there are times when he walks in while I'm having 'stimulating' conversations with the kids, and rolls his eyes and walks off casting a sympathetic look to the hapless children. The kids take the break in the conversation as a signal to run off chasing each other like maniacs around the house. We do live in a madhouse.

Well, I have what you call the 'gift of logical gab'. I can talk on most given topics. Speak from both sides and bamboozle you with my carefully-curated arguments that have been honed by years of research, reading, incessant mulling, discussions, and content writing experience.

So much so that I am the best antidote to errant kids. A talk with mausi (aunt) is dangled to bring the most mischievous kids to fall in line. Imagine the prospects of having a long chat with me where all your arguments are torn apart mercilessly; your spirit is broken and you are made to write off your soul to your parents. After one or two treatments of my talk, no one bothers to get into that mode with me.

Coming back to dear husband, he milks this prowess to death in dealing with pesky customer service people, errant service providers and generally people he does not like much. I am very polite yet very firm and forceful. And, I have seen strangers often getting blown away (literally) when I unleash my well-articulated verbal diarrhea on them. Scared for their life and mental stability, they think it best not to talk further.

Huh, you thought MBA education was a farce? Absolutely not! I majored in Marketing, and let me tell you there are very few things I cannot sell to you.

Also, to aid my unmatched tongue, I have a sharp memory that remembers that you told me last time that your bracelet was a gift from your husband and today that your mil gifted it. Or that you have badmouthed that blogger to me and are sucking up to the same person like long-lost siblings on their FB profile. Blah! At least lie sensibly if you have to. It is another thing that I stifle a grin and will not tell you to your face. I am very understanding that way. :)

Well, within the family, the kids know it is best not to lie to mom. She has hawk eyes and an elephant's memory and it is best not to trample the tail of a sleeping python.

If there is one thing that the members of my household will agree on is that 'Beware: Mom talks and how!'

This post has been previously published on Rachna says.

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