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The Indian Man's All-Too-Public Love Affair With Boxers

29/05/2016 12:58 AM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:27 AM IST
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Small and obese boxer shorts on washing line.

Not so long ago, the Indian Aunty discovered an unhindered, unclasped and drawstring-free existence in her nightie. In this stifling world of patriarchy that's constantly trying to suffocate her, she found liberation in this one-piece wonder garment. She boldly turned it into cool daywear that smells mostly of sweat and spices.

What the Indian woman does today, her male counterpart thinks of tomorrow. Even as she was outgrowing her fascination for this tent-like apparel and switching over to no-nonsense tracks and tees, the Indian man discovered boxers. True, the lungi discovered him much earlier. But a garment that parts willingly at the slightest hint of a gust, or lust, can have hazardous consequences for the beholder, especially female. Unlike the male, who gets excited at the slightest show of flesh, the female is more horrified than filled with desire as her eyes meet the lush Amazonian foliage on his limbs and upwards.

While mankind elsewhere continues to wear boxers as roomy undergarments, the Bharatiya bhaisahib has turned them into a versatile pair of shorts...

Boxers, in their cottony soft splendour, are the perfect substitute for the lungi. They come with cute fly buttons that do a fairly competent job of containing his excitement. Unlike boring trousers, boxers come in bold colours and prints (floral, cartoon, geometric) that let him express his naughty side. Boxers' dangerously short length ensures that the beholder's pulse is kept racing. You never know which part of his appendage might peep out.

Understandably, he fell for them hook, line and sinker and set out to conquer the world in them. While mankind elsewhere continues to wear boxers as roomy undergarments, the Bharatiya bhaisahib has turned them into a versatile pair of shorts that can fit into any role he wants. For him, boxers work as cool gym-wear, never mind the incredulous looks a certain lady named Purba gives him from the machine next to him -- perhaps he mistakes her glances for adoration. Ever since he was a baby boy his mother made him believe he was the best thing to have happened to womankind. And mothers are always right.

He turns them into resort-wear, evening-by-the-pool-wear, breakfast-in-a-public-place-wear... Too bad he can't wear them to office.

As he prowls around the gym, constantly checking out his imaginary biceps and rotund belly, he realizes his boxers need to travel more of the world with him. He turns them into resort-wear, evening-by-the-pool-wear, breakfast-in-a-public-place-wear. He knows his good looks and charm can turn even an ordinary chaddi into a fashion statement.

Adidas can flog its ClimaCool garments all it wants, but the Indian man doesn't need any technology-sheknology. He can keep his cool in his boxers. No wonder he's not scared of global warming. He's ready to face it in his chaddis.

Once you've experienced the comfort of boxers you'll know why he refuses to part with them. Like the elusive true love he has always dreamed of, his boxers are accommodating, always at his bidding, and accompany him wherever he wants without a murmur of protest. Their love is unconditional, regardless of his expanding girth, shrinking memory and cluelessness about "you-don't-love-me-anymore" outbursts. They definitely give him more space than his relationship. What's more, he can lovingly caress his posterior and scratch his interiors without hindrance.

Too bad he can't wear them to office.

The guys that wear boxers at the gym, or pair knee-length socks with shorts, are gorgeous, handsome hunks but only according to their moms.

It has yet to occur to him that gambolling in public spaces in one's underwear is highly "inappropriate". After all, doesn't the term "inappropriate clothing" apply only to women? Ever since the dawn of humanity, womankind has been entrusted with the responsibility for men's behaviour. So, when a man misbehaves with her, it's obviously her fault. Especially when she's attired skimpily. A woman who looks and dresses sexily is invariably looking for attention. When men, unable to control their excitement, leer and lunge at her, grab her butt and sometimes more, she obviously enjoys it. This is how the civilized male appreciates beauty and only a demented woman will reject his advances.

So, a man in his boxers is doing his bit for equality by dressing skimpily. Dear women, he's begging for your attention. He wants you to appreciate him the way he appreciates your beauty. He's asking you to treat him like an object.

Unfortunately for us, try as we might, we are unable to return the favour. The specimens in boxers that really make our inner goddess do the salsa usually know what to wear and where. It's a terrible tragedy for womankind that such men are not around for public viewing.

The guys that wear boxers at the gym, or pair knee-length socks with shorts, are gorgeous, handsome hunks but only according to their moms. They are as sartorially challenged as they are lacking in the looks department. The only way you can appreciate them is by looking for their inner beauty.

No wonder a famous underwear brand's tagline is "Yeh Andar Ki Baat Hai". They gave up on outer beauty a long time back.

ALSO READ: Nightie Too Naughty? You Must be Kidding!

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