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How A Day In New York Would Look If Life Were A TV Sitcom

09/09/2016 4:10 PM IST | Updated 16/09/2016 8:19 AM IST
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You may dream of someday living in New York City. And who can blame you? Every other show on TV depicts its glittery skyline, the beautiful people, the endless brunches. But anyone who has moved to New York City will know what I mean when I say that we were, to some extent, tricked. Though we may learn to love it for reasons entirely unexpected (long walks, $1 pizzas, running in Central Park, a new romance and heartbreak every other weekend).

In reality, you will never get a whiff of happy hours because your nose is to the grinder 24x7!

Below is what a day would look like if those TV myths were real. I couldn't even include movies because the list would never end.

9:00 AM: #Friends: You miraculously wake up in your own apartment (in reality it's a shoe box, but what the hell we are living in TV land today) rather than the sidewalk or Queens. Somehow you manage to get into a suit in record time and walk over to the apartment across the hall to find your girlfriend is ready with breakfast. (Who am I kidding... my neighbour was a creepy guy who smelled of pot.)

10:00 AM: #Ugly Betty: Walking at 50mph to work, you are almost knocked into the street by a confused looking young woman who is juggling what appears to be nine lattes that spill all over both of you. When you offer to help her pick up the mess, she smiles a big, brace-faced grin and invites you to opening night at New York Fashion Week. (You wish... you're more likely to take a tour of Bergdorf Goodman.)

11:00 AM: #Mad Men: Upon arriving at the office, you find everyone rushing around like chickens with their heads cut off. The boss has just declared a State of Emergency and it's your job to put together an impromptu new presentation that will calm the entire world. Despite this, the only person who likes you there is agonizing over her ex-boyfriend's most recent passive aggressive tweet. (I hate my job...I think of leaving before I even enter the office. Thank goodness it pays for rent.)

3:00 PM: #Gossip Girl: Sneak out of office to attend a swanky gala at MOMA and gorge on a spread of hors d'oeuvres instead of lunch (see, you eat fancy and remain in shape). As you are admiring Monet, an attractive girl in couture walks up to you and before you know it you are eating brunch with her the coming Sunday at her lavish penthouse in Upper East Side. And they say romance is dead!

(You know this ain't gonna happen...you are basically munching on cart food and trying to figure out what the hell Monet was smoking.)

4:00 PM: #Sex & The City: Emerge onto 5th Avenue both looking and feeling refreshed. Ring your friends for a 911 shopping spree in Soho while effortlessly hailing a cab. Well, not quite effortlessly...you trip a little on the curb, but just as you think the evening is all for naught, you spot a sample sale sign and it takes your breath away!

(Trust me, a sample sale sign does take your breath away. It's like biting into a New York cheesecake.)

5:00 PM: #Glee: Somewhere near Union Square as you sit down to have a latte with your friends, you see a group of beautiful people who start jiving and singing. You can't help but join in and that's when you get your song... your NYC song. Everything in the world is perfect again; you forget you still haven't paid rent and your boss hates you or your girlfriend might dump you later that night.

7:00 PM: #How I Met Your Mother: When everyone at work is wondering where you went, you are enjoying drinks with your closest buddies at your favourite pub. How can you not? It's happy hours...New Yorkers swear by it. You accept weird challenges and talk so loud about your love life or lack of one that the whole world can hear it.

10:00 PM: #Sex & The City: You put on your best face and draped in high-end fashion (well, street stuff) you head out for the night, arm in arm with your favourite people in the city. Then it's glamour, lights and non-stop champagne.

In reality, there are no lunch breaks, never ever will a hot girl walk up to you and ask you out and nor will you ever get a whiff of happy hours because your nose is to the grinder 24x7! It's fun, though, to revel in this fantasy just for today...

Memento Mori by Pablo Bartholomew

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