I have a small confession to make. People with disabling conditions, such as the vertigo inducing one I have, do exploit their own disability in many different ways. In a world that also pushes 'normal' people aside; you tend to use all the edge you need to get ahead.
I have to admit that I have often carried my walking stick when I don't really need it just so that I can sit down when I want to, get ahead at the check-out counter, and gasp, get some sympathy going.
If people were honest, they would admit that disability can be a convenient alibi, an 'out' when things get hairy. So what does all this have to do with God and PK?
Well, and PK puts this much better, God is the biggest alibi you can have in life. If you don't want to make the effort to get yourself off your ass and get your life in gear then God is around to blame. If you have criminal tendencies and like bombing and shooting people, or are channelling your internal Hitler by telling them what to wear, what to eat and who to sleep with or marry, if you can quote the holy books to make sure that women 'know their place' then, why, you did all of that because God told you to.
The downside of having someone telling you how to live your life is that you don't really know how to dig deep and make yourself strong enough to go towards happiness. I can think of nothing more disabling in life than that.
God, who is meant to lift you up, is also the biggest disability and obstacle you have.
When I first fell sick, at one point I was wearing a ruby ring, hung a pretty diaoptase crystal that was meant to cure me around my neck (don't ask!) and put daily vibhuti on my forehead and ears. On my bedside, I had a picture of various gods, an angel figurine from the Vatican and also various feng shui items to boost my yin and calm my yang (or was it the other way around?). Even my favourite colour, purple, became a problem, convinced as I was that it was an 'unlucky' colour and shani was somehow at play. I also meditated and prayed, did every fast I could think of and went to many, many places of worship. I spent my entire 30s doing this.
I was in God frenzy.
None of it worked. Guess, what did, accepting that I have a problem, good doctors, admitting that I needed to be on anxiety medicine (something I was violently opposed to--because, like, that would make me mad, right!), and an absolutely wonderful therapist who has helped me take responsibility for making my life better.
Yup, that's been a lot of work. Far, far easier to flash a ring and place a 'health goddess' in the north-north east corner (again, don't ask).
It is not my case that God is bad, after all I do meditate everyday. It is, however, my case that God today has become a crutch, a disability.
I can't get rid of my disability, till there is a cure someday. But I can get rid of anything that can be gotten rid of, including a disempowering view of God. Doing so, has made me freer and healthier than ever before.
Would love to hear from all of you in the comments section below. And trollers, am so looking forward to your views!
PS: For those who may want to know, I no longer have any God item on my bedside!