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I Cannot Forgive You, Mom

21/05/2016 8:11 AM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:26 AM IST
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mother & daughter enjoying sunset.

You've always been mean to me, Mom.

I vividly remember that day when I played so hard in the hot sun. I think I was about seven years old. With love filled in my heart and rumbling in my stomach, I came running home to hug you, thinking you would serve me food. Instead, you snapped at me and told me to serve myself. I was so hurt, Mom. I remember throwing a tantrum but you stood your ground. Before I knew it, I had grown so big that I didn't need you to serve me food anymore. I was seven when you last served me because you were just so mean I cannot forgive you, Mom.

I was seven when you last served me because you were just so mean, Mom. I cannot forgive you.

You knew very well I liked to snuggle up to you while sleeping. But, you chose to wake up early in the morning -- at 3am -- leaving me warm with just a blanket. You used to walk a few kilometers to fetch water for us, and you'd leave a night light on. That dim light used to bother me Mom. I used to yell and throw things at you to stop the hustle and bustle during those wee hours. You'd just pat me back to sleep. I cannot forgive you Mom, for disturbing my cozy sleep.

I never used to like the food you prepared. My friend's mom used to cook such a variety of dishes, but here I was, I was bored of eating the same food every single day. I think you were just too lazy to prepare good food, Mom. I am sure even you didn't like the things you made because you'd often go to sleep without eating. You left that food for dad to finish after he came home late at night. You were so selfish and, therefore, I cannot forgive you, Mom.

I think you were just too lazy to prepare good food, Mom. I am sure even you didn't like the things you made because you'd often go to sleep without eating.

You always used to take care of my sisters and brother better that you did me, Mom. You didn't mind walking few kilometres to see them off to school in the morning, cook food for them once you were back and then walk again all the way to feed them lunch. I am sure you would secretly hug and kiss them too, Mom. You'd leave me at my friend's home when you were out and I'd really enjoy that time. Her mother would tell me that my legs would hurt if you took me along, but I knew better Mom. You never loved me enough to take me along. After all, you didn't give me time even after you returned. You found joy in washing clothes and doing other mundane stuff all day. I cannot forgive you for being a big bore, Mom.

I have even told you a couple of times that I don't like you. I expected you to realize that I needed your love and how lonely I felt. You never understood or consoled me; instead, you started crying yourself, Mom. How can I forgive you?

I've told you a couple of times that I don't like you. I expected you to realize that I needed your love... instead, you started crying yourself.

Today, I am a Mom and I still know better. I will strive to be the mother that you could never be, Mom. I will give my kids the best that I can. I will work hard all day long so they can have a life so comfortable. I will give them the healthiest food to eat just so they can grow really well. I know they don't like the food I prepare, but, I just know better than them, Mom.

I know we are busy earning a livelihood and get to spend very little time with kids. How can I? I have to take care of the house, kids and even work all day long. I have a maid to help and have arranged for school transport so I don't have to drop them off. It gets very tiring, Mom. And you know very well that it's difficult in our times to give the kids as much time as they'd like.

My 7-year-old daughter wanted only me to serve her lunch, Mom. I snapped at her so sharply that she cried... I just couldn't care as I was feeling so down.

I know I just have two kids, while you had five. I try to balance work and home but I still don't get to take time off for myself, Mom. The other day, I had a very bad day at work and all I wanted to do was just sit in peace for a while. My 7-year-old daughter just wouldn't understand and she wanted only me to serve her lunch, Mom. I snapped at her so sharply that she cried for a long time. I just couldn't care as I was feeling so down.

Being so busy with a toddler, I forgot about the incident but I don't think she did. She has been cold to me ever since because she thinks I love her brother more. It's been a while since I found time to serve her food, but Mom, I think she is doing just fine.

I am doing the best I can and I love my kids a lot. But, the other day she came up to me and said she hates me, Mom. I felt so hurt that before I knew it, my eyes were wet. She left me with a parting shot as she turned on her heels and left to play with her friends. I still wonder what it is I did. She just muttered so easily, "I cannot forgive you, Mom."

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