Mr Shah Rukh Khan has been one of the few constants of my life for the past 15 years. All through my teenage years, relationships, loves, careers, marriage and now parenthood, I've felt his presence in my life. To say that I am a "fan" is pretty much undervaluing what I feel about him. It's so much more than that. He is an inspiration for me. Even when my emotional attention wavered to the Ajays, Farhans, Hrithiks, and then from the international waters, the Ians, Geralds and Matthews – it was always Mr Khan who came out as the clear winner, standing out stronger than ever. My eternal love, if I may. My admiration for him has just gotten stronger over all these years.
First it was just the soulful eyes, the signature expansive arms and the romantic dialogues, but his mind and intelligence matter even more now. He was very much like the beautiful impossible dream in my life – until the day he said my name.
After all these years of loving someone from a distance, when he mentions your name – not once, not twice but four times – the experience is... unbelievable, mind-blowing, out of this world. Suddenly, the impossible dream came within touching distance.
When Mr Shah Rukh Khan says, "Don't worry, I will find you," a girl is entitled to float away in her own SRK bubble...
It was a mere shot in the dark when I decided to log onto the Fame App for his live Eid chat. There were more than 20,000 people logged in that moment. The questions were coming in at such a speed that the chat window was a blur. So you can imagine my shock when he answered my first question within the first couple of minutes of the chat. I had posted my blog url and had expressed my wish of working with him. Calling me "Julie Desaai" (I'm actually Juilee Desai, but I may just change my name now to the SRK version), he very graciously promised to read some of my blogs, wished me the best for my dreams and said that if ever there ever was an opportunity for working together, he would find me.
Now I know that it's a very subtle snubbing technique of saying, "I don't want you to try and contact me." But when Mr Shah Rukh Khan says, "Don't worry, I will find you," a girl is entitled to float away in her own SRK bubble and believe every word with all her heart.
Then, some time later, when I posted another question (from amongst more than 20,000 people bombarding their questions and love on him) he remembered and acknowledged me again, with his special pronunciation of my name, "Julie Desaai". He answered in his typical Shah Rukh Khan way of sincerity mixed with wit, and moved on, leaving me wanting for more.
I am completely that star-struck, head-over-heels-in-love fan girl. A teenager. Blushing as the hot guy I'm crushing on calls out to me... "Julie Desaai."
So I posted my third question, to which he gave a sarcastic reply. His charm, wit, and at the same time his sincerity sugar-coating the now pretty obvious snub. At the end of the chat, while signing gifts for some of the people who asked questions, he remembered my name again, and that I had posted the question as a writer, and remarked that it was ironical that he was not gifting me a book but a packet of DVDs. And all this time, he called me "Julie Desaai".
I know it may not seem like much. But in which universe ever are his and my paths going to cross, for him to ever call out to me? So for me this is HUGE. Huger than huge. It's not yet sunk in. I'm still grinning (the bawling part is done) even 12 hours after the event.
Mr Khan has that incredible power to take me back to my teens. He has the power to keep the butterflies in my stomach alive and flapping. Right now I am completely that star-struck, head-over-heels-in-love fan girl. A teenager. Blushing as the hot guy I'm crushing on calls out to me... "Julie Desaai."