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'Sachin: A Billion Dreams' Is Two-And-A-Half Hours Of Tendulkar Porn

How much you enjoy it depends on when you were born.

01/06/2017 8:53 AM IST | Updated 01/06/2017 4:21 PM IST
200 Not Out Productions

As I stepped out to buy overpriced Coke and oversalted popcorn during the interval, I overheard a father explaining to his son—"It's not a movie, beta. It is a documentary."

I could empathise with the kid. Sachin: A Billion Dreams is a film that works only if you were born before 1995. The film has no hero, no antagonist, no songs or dances. In fact, the film sits more comfortably in the domain of documentaries than cinema.

If Sachin is God, his life is a mythological epic.

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The story is known to all, told and retold, written and rewritten, over and over. His childhood stories are similar to Krishna's exploits in Vrindavan. When he looked at the skies, scoring a century after his father's death, Indians wouldn't be shocked if flowers came falling from the sky, reminiscent of Bheeshma's terrible oath.

This is a portrait of a man who knows nothing but cricket, being worshipped by a nation that follows nothing but cricket.

Sachin fulfils every single criterion of being an Indian adarsh baalak. Fair-skinned, immensely talented, honed by the right people, had the world eating out of his hands. But most importantly, Sachin is humble and soft-spoken. We Indians love humility and soft-spokenness—we'd prefer Harishchandra over Howard Hughes, Ratan Tata over Warren Beatty. In Sachin, kids saw what they wanted to become, and parents saw what they wanted their kids to become.

The thought often rankles me—would India have loved Sachin as much if he was flashy and proud? I doubt it. They'd wait for him to fail, and tear into him—"Told you! His success got to his head!" they'd say! But Sachin remained humble, and joined our long list of gods.

When every single detail of a man's life is known, how do you make a film? You hire a foreigner to do it! When Indians make films on Indian cricketers, they're either too fawning (Dhoni: The Untold Story), or mind-numbingly dumb (Azhar).

Director James Erskine uses Sachin and his wife as narrators, using home videos and wedding clips to create a personal bond. There are clips where he's playing with his daughter, teaching her the umpire's signals for boundary, sixer and out! This is a portrait of a man who knows nothing but cricket, being worshipped by a nation that follows nothing but cricket.

[I]t feels like a trip to the planetarium. To a museum of innocence, where ugly relics of match-fixing and controversies are locked up in the attic.

But if you're a cricket buff, you begin to notice the details. Take for example the Sachin of 1994-1997, when there's swagger in his stagger—he wears Suniel Shetty glasses, a thick gold chain, and a superstar gait. The swagger quickly vanishes when he's made the captain, and he's the obedient adarsh baalak once more!

Like Sachin himself, India grew into a generation which likes to date before getting married. Where the wife calls him by his name, instead of silly words like "woh" and "unhein." Like the India of today, we find out that Sachin goes through depression too.

Within an hour, you begin to feel like a part of the dressing room. You begin to feel for players like Dravid, who put in hours of blood, sweat and tears. For Shane Warne, who has graciously contributed to the legend of Sachin, in spite of being no less of a genius.

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The masterstroke though, was getting AR Rahman to create the background score. They're not too dissimilar, Sachin and Rahman. Short, stocky, curly-haired, immensely talented, humble to a fault. Rahman's background score is like a Rahman background score—rousing, thumping, an army of emotions charging forward. A Rahman soundtrack can make mating anteaters look graceful, so imagine the effect it has on childhood nostalgia.

A Rahman soundtrack can make mating anteaters look graceful, so imagine the effect it has on childhood nostalgia.

By the end, as Sachin stands on a beach in shades and shorts, it feels like a trip to the planetarium. To a museum of innocence, where ugly relics of match-fixing and controversies are locked up in the attic.

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How much you enjoy Sachin: A Billion Dreams depends on when you were born. If it was before 1995, you can't stop looking at the man who personified the nation you grew up in. If you were born after 1995, you begin to wonder about this strange obsession with this man!

The film is a heady cocktail of two of our obsessions—cinema and cricket. Now, if only Sachin would go back to the Rajya Sabha...

Also Read: 'Sachin: A Billion Dreams' Is Like Watching Your Carefully Edited Wedding Video

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