I've just ended an affair and I'm extremely cut up about it.
Breaking up is never easy to do and this particular fling took a toll on my emotional and physical well-being. I was cranky most of the time, looking at my phone furtively whenever I got a chance, and falling into the guilt trap every now and then. All of the usual symptoms. Until I decided that enough was enough. It was time to take a call.
Do you remember that scene in Sex and the City where Carrie threw her phone into the ocean so that she wouldn't have to speak to her estranged fiancé Mr Big anymore? I was that close to throwing my phone away so that I would not be tempted anymore.
The thing that saved me was the fact that I was miles away from the ocean! There wasn't even a decent puddle nearby. Also, I'm not a character is a book. I'm a writer and I don't think I can afford to throw a phone into the sea.
So I did the next best thing.
I deleted all the food apps from my phone.
Oh! Did you think I was having an affair with an actual person? Wipe that look off your face right now.
I was having a relationship with the multitude of food apps that were crowding my phone. Two- timing one with the other. Ordering breakfast from one and then lunch from another. Sinful right? Not to mention double crossing, sly and manipulative.
Months and months of cheating together with guilt and self-loathing took me to a point where there seemed to be no turning back.
What could I do? What would you do if you woke up to a message promising gastronomic delights. Sausages, scrambled eggs, bacon, beans, croissants with a swish of your finger. And just when you were being faithful to one app, another would pop up tempting you to stray into forbidden territory. Peri Peri grilled basa with vegetables and crispy fried potatoes. Chicken noodles with gravy. Before you could click your way out, they would be offering you a salted caramel chocolate tart as a freebie.
Now, I don't have that kind of self-control. So I gave in. Months and months of cheating together with guilt and self-loathing took me to a point where there seemed to be no turning back.
Only now, the aches and pains were not mental anymore. My joints ached, my fingers hurt and I started swelling up like the little girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who turned into a blueberry. It was not a pleasant sight. One trip to the doctor and I was given the ultimatum. It was uric acid that had done the snitching. Damn!
Get back on the straight and narrow. Or else.
My cheeks were flushed and I had the look of a deer caught in the headlights. It's not nice being found out.
I feel strangely empty and there's a gnawing sensation at the pit of my stomach. Oh wait, that's probably hunger. Let me go and have a cracker.
What was I to do? It was painful. Separation always is. But it had to be done. Swiftly and mercilessly.
It feels strange to look at my phone nowadays. I miss them, those bright little widgets promising such deliciousness, forbidden pleasures. I fantasize about them some times. But I won't go down that self-destructive path again. I feel strangely empty too and there's a gnawing sensation at the pit of my stomach.
Oh wait, that's probably hunger. Let me go and have a cracker.
And though breaking up is hard to do
I wouldn't give our love one more try!
Also see on HuffPost: