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Purba Ray


A teacher not so long ago, she took to writing on a whim after leaving her job. Has an opinion on nearly everything, fact or fiction, beginnings or ends, light or heavy, long or short.

Alberto Ruggieri

OMG, Beta, You've Become Darker And Uglier!

People often ask me where and how I got my sense of humour. Well, it's time to reveal it all. I developed it at a very young age as a defence tactic. I used it to counter hurt. When on a sunny lazy vacation afternoon an aunt told me that I'd get married only because I had beautiful feet, I told her I'd ask a burqa to adopt me and make sure the world wouldn't have to see the rest of me.
08/08/2016 10:34 AM IST
Hindustan Times via Getty Images

Can The Gau Rakshaks Save Us From Gurujams And Potholes?

It is for a reason that Gurgaon was renamed as Gurugram. We are moonwalking back to our rural roots. Potholes are lovingly nurtured on streets so that they can turn into ponds during the monsoons. Roads have not been repaired for years so that they resemble the dirt tracks of in Guru Dronacharya's gram. Residents are often left fumbling in the dark, just like in olden times. If rumours are to be believed, the city will soon have Mercedes Bhains showrooms…
04/08/2016 6:33 PM IST
Hindustan Times via Getty Images

The Unbearable Burden Of Being A Class 12 Student In India

If you are a parent of a teen who has just appeared for her board exams, you will know exactly what it feels like when the results are about to be declared. It's like waiting for your own results. Only this time, you are not a carefree teen but a worry-wart adult plagued by ifs and buts, and what will the world and its aunt think if your child scores an abysmal 85%? Even Mrs Chatterjee's useless son scored a 97%!
03/06/2016 7:56 AM IST
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The Indian Man's All-Too-Public Love Affair With Boxers

Like the elusive true love he has always dreamed of, his boxers are accommodating, always at his bidding, and accompany him wherever he wants without a murmur of protest. Their love is unconditional, regardless of his expanding girth, shrinking memory and cluelessness about "you-don't-love-me-anymore" outbursts. They definitely give him more space than his relationship. What's more, he can lovingly caress his posterior and scratch his interiors without hindrance.
29/05/2016 12:58 AM IST
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How To Be A 100% Certified Patriot

The government understands it is difficult to keep yourself constantly updated to be a 100% certified patriot and has decided to address your concerns by introducing the BMJK app. Once you install this helpful app, you will keep getting notifications for every new anti-national activity. The app also has a reward feature. Swabbing your floor with gomutra, supporting Anupam Kher in whatever and whoever he's protesting against, abusing paid media online, beating up traitors as you scream BMKJ will earn you 500 reward points each.
13/05/2016 8:24 AM IST
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Once Upon A Time, There Was A Chhori Called Gurgawan...

For long, Gurgaon was chhori Gurgawan, a behenji who loved spending time with buffaloes and her Jat bhais. She didn't mind her uneventful life before fairy godfather DLF and various cronies set their sights on her and decided she was their future bright. Thus began her grooming, intense sessions at the gym and shopping for a hip wardrobe. Before she could say "<em>kay chal rahya se</em>", she had transformed into a glam diva with a BPO accent. She was now Ms Gurgaon...
21/04/2016 3:09 PM IST

Frankly Speaking: A Sureshot Way To Lose Your Social Media Friends

If you are tired of being a <em>like</em> enthusiast on Facebook or the "hahaha good one" Samaritan on Twitter, start sharing your beliefs on religion and politics. This is a foolproof method to awaken the dormant Arnab Goswami in your dearest online friends. Beliefs are like the softest, most worn-out T-shirt that you've held on to for years. Slipping into it is the closest we feel to our mother's womb. So, when an opinionated cretin's grating voice, such as yours, infiltrates their warm cocoon, their inner Arnab comes out.
26/02/2016 8:18 AM IST
Frédéric SOREAU via Getty Images

Why I Think Temple Bans On Women Are Absolutely Fine

Let's think of these 'reserved-for-men' shrines as the women's-only coach in the Delhi Metro. Now imagine a bunch of aggressive men demanding equal rights and to be let in! Surely we'll turn into female incarnates of the wrathful Lord Shani. And why not? The Metro coach is our sanctum sanctorum, where we can squat on the floor, do our makeup, doze on our neighbour's shoulder without the fear of body odour. I am sure male devotees share similar sentiments while resisting female presence in shrines like Shani Shingnapur.
04/02/2016 8:16 AM IST
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Your Man Never Cooks? It's Probably Your Fault

Frankly, I don't blame men who can't differentiate cumin powder from coriander and don't know where the spoons are kept in the kitchen. I blame the women in their lives who insist on treating them like babies incapable of taking care of themselves. Why else would a wife who leaves for a month-long vacation at her parents' slog for weeks to cook and freeze meals for her dear husband?
29/01/2016 8:19 AM IST
Subir Basak via Getty Images

How To Martyr Yourself To Fashion

Go to any mall or multiplex and you'll see a parade of jiggly bottoms and generous tyres spilling out of dresses two sizes too small. I'm always in a fix about how to react. While a part of me says a silent <em>yay</em> for women who dress for themselves and not others, the other part of me wonders if they have a mirror at home.
21/01/2016 8:16 AM IST
Shutterstock / Rob Marmion

Learning And Unlearning To Be A Mom

It was just a few months back when I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep on my makeshift bed inside a darkened cabin, the sky an inky blue outside. I was feeling angry at myself. It had been two days since I had been crying non-stop. This wallowing-in-misery woman was so unlike me. There's no escaping misery. But it doesn't take me too long to bounce back to my normal cheerful self -- but not this time.
09/01/2016 8:21 AM IST
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The Dilemma Of The Stay-At-Home Mom

I'm always amazed when women say "I'm just a housewife" when someone asks them, "So, are you working?" As if a housewife doesn't work. As if being a housewife is shameful and you need to sound apologetic. So sorry, that I chose to stay home and take care of the family. Personally, I find the term homemaker more comforting. It sounds spiffier and definitely more "productive". The woman of the house who makes the house a home -- yes, that's me!
09/11/2015 8:11 AM IST
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An Open Letter From An Aggrieved Bhains

For centuries we have been subjected to unfair treatment simply by virtue of our skin colour. Yet, nobody even bothered to ask us how it felt to be treated like, well, beefcake. Not a single feminist organisation came to our rescue or raised slogans on our behalf. If the cow is your <em>maa</em>, doesn't that make us your aunty?
19/10/2015 8:05 AM IST
Subir Basak via Getty Images

We Bongs Are A Peaceful Lot: All We Need Is Our Maach, Mangsho And Mishti

The furore over the imposition of meat ban in several states in consideration of the Jain festival Paryushan made me realise what a peace loving community we Bengalis are. We don't care that nobody cares for our religious sentiments. During festivals like Durga Puja, we are so engrossed checking out each other's saris and ingesting copious quantities of biryani and kabiraji cutlet that we don't get time to demand bans. Rather, we go for a self-imposed ban on vegetables during those days.
30/09/2015 8:21 AM IST