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The Many Fs in Facebook

21/08/2015 8:09 AM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:25 AM IST
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Chattering teeth, human hands gesturing, and people working

Yes, there are faces for sure. Selfies, candids, black-and-white, sepia-tinted, mood-lit, rural, urban, metro, filmy, telling friends and strangers everything you want them to know about yourself. And the blasts from your past that you somehow feel everyone must know about. Pictures, in short, are the face that is in Facebook. The oohs and aahs trailing each of these pictures are enough to make me think that the network is FussBook as much as it is Facebook.

But Facebook isn't just about faces. Let's see what else this F in FB is or can be.

FibBook

We all know this phenomenon so well. Falsehoods here are as common as housemaids asking for a raise, and the biggest kick many people get is when they fluff up the facts from their life. They are the ones who make me call FB nothing but a FrillBook that thrills at fictions masquerading as fact.

FiefBook

Ah! The gangs, the coteries, the mobs, and the cliques that work in tandem for small benefits and for cheap thrills must not escape. Haven't you seen your pals win contests where votes matter... and they muster up the most to walk away with toothpaste hampers or invites to restaurants, without really deserving a win? I'm almost tempted to call the F in FB Filth but I guess Felon suits more.

"The number of people who upload food pics has been going up steadily and this fad has now crossed all digestible limits."

FeastBook

The number of people who upload food pics has been going up steadily and this fad has now crossed all digestible limits. I saw a group of really fat girls touring Europe and sharing just food pics all the time. Yes, they aren't far from rechristening the F in FB to mean FatBook.

FarceBook

Exaggerated, improbable, extravagant versions of the truth (if that) are farce. Emotions and expressions that exist only to stir others and have no real depth are a farce. And on FB I see farcical updates everywhere. Farces that come disguised as appeals or submissions or even tears of sympathy abound in this virtual space.

FlirtBook

Distance, some feel, makes the heart get bolder... and so flirts, young and old, are active here. They search for profiles of the other sex (and even the same sex at times) and begin to weave their wordy guile. I must admit here that some are adept at it and go about their task with aplomb whereas others fumble and mumble into flirtatious opportunities and often get a virtual thrashing.

FistBook

We are angry in our movies and angry on the roads. We are angry with the system and angry with the boss. We are an angry nation sometimes and love the fact that the Facebook is a great ring for sparring. Of course, it is a FrothBook as well.

FixBook

If cricket matches can be fixed, why can't profiles and the contests on profiles remain fixed as well? And so, as a corollary to FibBook, FB is also a FixBook and fixes everything with pride. I thought it was only on Twitter that one sent hundreds of direct messages appealing to retweet a tweet or vote for a picture... this happens on FB as well and there are messages that have been marked to tens of people that force me to "leave this conversation" so many times in a single day.

FixBook

So we have the FishBook avatar of FB where authors are fishing for reviewers and vice versa, sellers are fishing for buyers, groups are fishing for members, pages are fishing for likes and everyone else is wondering what next they could fish for. If they aren't fishing, they are full of fizz and just going on and on and on about some inane free burger in a seedy restaurant in Gurgaon and happily making FB a FizzBook.

"Write a nice perky line and soon enough it will circulate all over the globe to reach you as the millionth receiver of the greatest creative observation of the day!"

FubBook

Aha! This one needs to be explained in detail. Fub for those who have never bothered to open a dictionary and learn new words means "to cheat or to steal" and my mind links it immediately to the plagiarising instincts that stalk the virtual world. Write a nice perky line and soon enough it will circulate all over the globe to reach you as the millionth receiver of the greatest creative observation of the day! Share your picture, and someone else is sure win a prize by submitting it as his own. Share a blog post and... well, even journos working with newspapers are known to have fubbed a paragraph or two from FB and used it in their own article.

For those who are stunned by all the antics they see their contacts do in this virtual space, the F in FB could be Freeze as well. Yes, it's a flavoured world and the F in FB could easily be funny, fiery, or forlorn as well... and only time will tell if the F was actually forgettable or not.

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For more posts, reach out for The Real Fiction, my blog.

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