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Thoughts On Love, Loss And Life For My Future Daughter

23/09/2015 1:15 PM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:25 AM IST
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Dear Daughter,

How are you? I'm not asking because it's customary to ask the person one is writing to about their well-being but because I've waited so long to write to you -- to ask about your health, life and thoughts. For this delay, I hope you could forgive me. If I was an artist, I would have painted each moment I thought of you but alas, I only have this letter. Please do read.

You are really special and precious to me. You might be thinking it's the love of a mother saying so, but no. It was one long journey having you. One that wasn't nine months or even a year long. It started back when I was 14; a teen bereft of colour who was kept alive at the thought of you. You have been with me in thought longer than most people stay in love.

"[D]ependence on anyone is like suicide. Feel independent, complete and proud to stand on your own two feet."

Don't get me wrong, love is as wonderful as anything can be. It is, perhaps, the sole reason people laugh, rejoice and feel alive. Someday you will know. When you do, define it for yourself. It might not last but each time it will be nothing less than lovely. Sometimes it will be out of this world, at others it will simply hold you so your world becomes one with the rest and probably once, it will make you want to wake up every morning with a smile. The third is the best kind. It might not blow your brains or get you an adrenaline rush but it will be the most reassuring, long-lasting and serene one -- try to stick to this one!

I won't define the perfect partner for you. It is your choice but I will say one thing -- "the one" will always be forgiving, respectful, non-judgmental, honest and caring. Do not let him/her go and don't be afraid of getting hurt with that person. If it doesn't work out, there is always something better to look forward to.

Never give up, my darling. There is so much suffering in this world that joy sometimes gets lost in the crowd and takes some time to find its way. Oh, but that by no way means that you should sit and wait. You are my angel but you aren't Cinderella. I read you many fairytales but in reality, unless we take chances and write our own stories, they will not become tales worth sharing.

Have compassion and empathy for everyone. When there's so much love in our hearts, one mustn't be greedy and share it with only a few. I know the world will be harsh and at times it will really hurt but that too shall pass. Everything does. Forgive when hurt and move forward.

When someone hurts you, understand that they are hurt themselves. Don't try to hurt them back. That way, we only create a cycle of pain and suffering. This is not our only life, baby. It is a minuscule part of a long cosmic journey, and in this journey our good and bad are noted and counted. Hurt only gives back multiplied hurt while good may take time but only gives good.

BUT never forgive or forget injustice. Never be blinded by love so much that you tolerate injustice, whether on you or anyone else. There is so much injustice in this world that sometimes I have a hard time understanding how it has been able to function so far. That is just how naive your mother is! Remember, a life without self-respect is not worth living. Someone who physically, emotionally or mentally harms you is not worthy of you! And while you may feel incomplete without that person, dependence on anyone is like suicide. Feel independent, complete and proud to stand on your own two feet.

"Never ever stop loving yourself. It is the hardest lesson I had to learn but when I did, it was the best thing to ever happen to me."

If you make a mistake, have the courage to apologise and when you do, have the patience to wait for forgiveness. You are capable of writing your own principles and living by them. I'm only an adviser and this might even be unsolicited advice. The decision is yours. Whatever you decide, I am always with you.

Never ever stop loving yourself. It is the hardest lesson I had to learn but when I did, it was the best thing to ever happen to me. Trust me, the world will try to pull you down, they will try to change you and mould you into something they like but that isn't going to do anyone good.

You are unique. Don't you ever try to ape that girl in the magazine or the most popular one in school or even the prettiest star on television. They are living a story of their own, with its own path, journey and destination. If you change to be like them, who is going to live your story? Who will reach your destination? I know you must be having a hard time getting this but some day it will be crystal clear.

Be whoever you like. Be blunt or spontaneous or in control, geeky or sporty or fashionable or boring or playful or moody, absolutely anything as long as it doesn't get you or anyone else hurt. It will be hard, you will face peer pressure, your relatives will expect more from you and your closest pal might even leave you and, believe me, the older you will grow, fewer and fewer people will stick by you but they will be the ones who matter anyway, so don't worry.

Lastly, read as much as you can, travel like you may never travel again and meet as many people as you can. Don't let anyone define who you are and want to become.

Always, always love you.

Your Mom

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