Become A Gift

07/01/2015 1:40 PM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:24 AM IST
Hands holding a gift box isolated on black background

As we begin 2015 and look ahead to all the possibilities of a new year, we all have an opportunity to make giving a part of our lives. Giving, loving, caring, empathy and compassion, going beyond ourselves and stepping out of our comfort zones to help serve others -- this is the only viable answer to the multitude of problems the world is facing. We are in the midst of multiple crises -- economic, environmental, and social. And we cannot wait for a leader to ride in on a white horse to save us. We all need to find the leader in the mirror, and take the steps needed to make a difference, both in our own communities and at the other end of the world.

What makes service so powerful is that its benefits go two ways. When my younger daughter, Isabella, was five years old, we were living in Washington, DC. One day we were volunteering at Children of Mine, a centre for children in need in Anacostia, a struggling part of town. The day before we had celebrated Isabella's fifth birthday with a mermaid cake, presents, and a birthday party. By coincidence, at the centre that day, there was a little girl also having her fifth birthday. This little girl's entire birthday celebration consisted of a chocolate chip cookie with a candle -- the cookie served as both her birthday cake and her only gift. I remember watching my daughter from across the room, her eyes welling with tears. Something clicked for her, something that I could not have taught her. When we returned home, Isabella rushed to her room, collected all the presents she had gotten for her birthday, and told me that she wanted to take them to the little girl. Now it's not as if Isabella was suddenly transformed into mother Teresa -- she has had many moments of selfishness since then. But it was a profound moment nonetheless, whose impact will always be with her.

That's why I'm so passionate about families making volunteering together a regular part of their lives. I dream of a day when families look at their weekend plans and say, 'What are we going to do this weekend -- are we going to shop, see a movie, volunteer?' A day when volunteering is just a natural thing -- not something exceptional or something that makes us feel particularly noble. Just something that we do. Something that connects us with one another. It is the only way we, as individuals, will ultimately make a real difference in the lives of millions of children who are homeless, hungry, or living in inner cities where random violence is a daily occurrence.

Evidence of the power of compassion is all around us. In the wake of the 2008 financial crisis, we saw many people who had lost their jobs turn around and offer their skills and talents to help others in need. In Philadelphia, for example, Cheryl Jacobs, a lawyer who had been laid off from a large firm, opened her own practice to help people avoid foreclosure. So service is not only about going to homeless shelters and food banks -- vitally important as that is. It's also about offering whatever special skills and talents and passions we have. Being of service can help people who've lost jobs rebuild their confidence and sense of purpose.

When a friend of mine in Los Angeles lost her job early in the economic downturn, I suggested that as she was looking for another job, she might think about volunteering, and I offered to connect her with A Place Called Home, which offers education, art, and wellbeing programmes to underserved youth in South Central Los Angeles. She thought I did not empathise enough with what she was going through. I asked her to trust me, simply give a few hours a week while she was looking for a job, and just see what happens. She did, and she immediately started feeling much better about herself as she came out of the fog she'd been in after not having a job for the first time in her adult life. She also found herself exposed to a whole other world.

She shared her experience going through a self-awareness seminar with others at A Place Called Home. She found herself sitting in a circle, forgiving her daughter for forgetting her birthday, while someone next to her was forgiving her mother for shooting her father. And she realised what separate but parallel lives we're living, which only further feeds our self-absorption. She saw first-hand that what people who are struggling economically need -- as well as money, food, clothing, and material necessities -- is to feel that someone cares.

"To feel the intimacy of brothers," wrote Pablo Neruda, "is a marvellous thing in life. To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our life. But to feel affection that comes from those whom we do not know, from those unknown to us, who are watching over our sleep and solitude, over our dangers and our weaknesses -- that is something still greater and more beautiful because it widens out the boundaries of our being and unites all living things." And that's really what we are engaged in when we are engaged in service and volunteering -- widening the boundaries of our being.

This piece first appeared in Speaking Tree.

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