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In A Letter Addressed To Humans, A Cow Tells A Few Sane, Home Truths

08/06/2017 9:00 AM IST | Updated 08/06/2017 9:00 AM IST
elifranssens via Getty Images

Hello human kind,

My name is Gobar. I am a cow currently residing in the great state of Uttar Pradesh, the capital of our world and the site of the cow's greatest conquest of humankind. I know you must be laughing as you read this. How is one named after their own shit? Actually, I blame it on my mother. She was very fond of humans and human literature, especially some guy called Premchand. This guy apparently wrote a novel where there was a character named Gobar. I will never forgive her for what she has done to me. I have been a laughing stock among cows and crows all my life because of this darned name.

Anyways, the purpose of this letter was not to talk about myself but to talk about the relationship between cow kind and human kind. You see, it has come to our notice that we have gained a lot of unwanted attention from the human world recently. And let me be very clear, we are not very happy about it. Yesterday, some random dude with a saffron gamcha came and forcibly took a 'selfie' with me. Now I don't mind posing for the camera but there should be some sense of personal space prevailing between us. Moreover, the way you often treat the female kind in your society is quite disturbing and scary. It makes us uncomfortable to be around such patriarchal and misogynist beings. We, the females of the bovine kind firmly stand in solidarity with the women of the human kind. Long live inter-species feminism!

"We are like the mothers who feed you," some of you keep saying in the media. While it is true that we feed humanity, your respect and reverence of the cow kind seems to be mere lip service.

Coming to why I am writing this, the last few years has been interesting for the cow-human relationship. On one hand, there has been a lot of talk about how great we are. "We are like the mothers who feed you," some of you keep saying in the media. While it is true that we feed humanity, your respect and reverence of the cow kind seem to be mere lip service. You see, we, unlike most of you, are not fooled by empty promises and mere hyperbole. In reality, the condition of cow kind continues to be appalling in this country. The main reason for this predicament is the cruel and exploitative nature of the human kind. You exploit us till we have milk in our bodies and then discard us. We are forced to walk on cramped roads and eat dirty food from piles of garbage thrown all over the street. I too was discarded by a human after such exploitation and I can tell you how horrible that experience is. These days, I walk on the streets of Kanpur and although there is no dearth of garbage food on the roads, I strongly believe that cows deserve a much better deal, especially with all the drama you do.

Seriously, what is wrong with you lot. You destroy and degrade everything around you. Just look at what you have done to the natural resources meant for cows. You have destroyed all the grasslands and built stupid houses on it. Even where there is grass on the land, you seldom allow us to graze there. Somehow, you have assumed that you are the 'owner' of the land. That grass on the land is as much ours as it is yours. Take my word for it.

I can say this on behalf of my entire species — stop killing your own kind in the name of cow.

You don't really care for things all around you, do you human kind? Just look at what you have done to your environment. There is so much air pollution in Kanpur that I can't even breathe properly. And add to that the bloody noise. I have lost five kilogrammes of weight in the last one year just because of the honking in the streets.

There is one more thing that I need to tell you. It's something that has been weighing on our collective conscience for some time now. I can say this on behalf of my entire species — stop killing your own kind in the name of cow. What you have done in the last few years has taken a toll on us too. Why would you do that? Don't you have a conscience or a responsibility towards your own species? You are the most hypocritical type of beings I know of. You only seek to exploit our name for profit. You don't really care about us and we can clearly see through your agenda. Unlike you, cows are not selfish at all. We find it disgusting that we are being used as an excuse for you to become so violent and bloodthirsty. No humankind, not in our name.

You only seek to exploit our name for profit. You don't really care about us and we can clearly see through your agenda. Unlike you, cows are not selfish at all.

You must contemplate on what you have become. Although I enjoy this temporary attention being showered on me today, I know tomorrow I might be lying in a pool of shit or eating rotten vegetables on a smelly, dirty road. We, unlike your kind it seems, never lose touch with reality. With so much selfishness and greed around, our kind stands for something. It stands for benevolence, sharing and kindness. Humankind, what do you really stand for? Is this the kind of world you want your children to live in? Think about it! Just think about it. I will write again soon.

With love from the bovine kind,

Gobar

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