Marriage is a surprisingly universal experience, and we have the tweets to prove it.
Below, 25 spot-on tweets you’ll definitely identify with if you’re a husband or wife.
I’ve reached the point in my marriage that my husband fell asleep on the couch and OMG I AM SO EXCITED I GET THE BED ALL TO MYSELF— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 15, 2017
I sent my wife a text.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 16, 2017
Her typing bubble popped up for 10 minutes.
All she sent me was "K."
I'm as good as dead.
[grocery store]— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 12, 2017
me *hits back of wife's leg with the cart* Funny running into you h-
wife: Go wait in the car
My husband wrote a note so he would remember to ask me how my hair appt went, in case you're wondering what it's like to be married 25 yrs.— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s)🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 17, 2017
[kids gone for the evening]— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) October 16, 2017
wife: DATE NIGHT???
me: DATE NIGHT!!!
[we fall asleep watching 60 minutes]
I picked a restaurant— Jeff⚡️ (@JeffSarcastic) July 5, 2016
- marriage sext
"I really like our fall wreath this year"— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 11, 2017
Is a thing I instinctively say because I'm finally getting good at marriage.
“You’re just getting in the shower NOW???” - Me to my husband 10 minutes before we’re supposed to leave for any event— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 22, 2017
ME: we’re not getting any younger. the decisions we make now will affect our future— rob HELLiott (@rockymomax) October 15, 2017
WIFE: *holding phone to chest* do you want guac or not?
Relationship status: I must be the authority because my wife always questions me.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) October 11, 2017
Idk how many times my wife will yell down the stairs without the kids responding— Jackson (@kerouac741) October 22, 2017
So far, it's more than 36.
My favorite thing about being married is having someone to follow me around and shut off all the lights in every room of the house.— bubble girl (@JessObsess) September 28, 2017
Accidentally sent my husband a nice text when I was waiting for him to notice we weren’t speaking because I was vaguely mad about something.— EricaTriesToTrick (@EricaWhoToYou) October 25, 2017
So, I’m not certain what the perfect tenth anniversary gift is...— AmishPornStar™ (@AmishPornStar1) October 18, 2017
But according to my wife, it’s not a BFF necklace from Claire’s Boutique.
Me: *sets down my beer*— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2017
Wife, three rooms away: I didn't hear a coaster.
ME: you know what they say, measure once, cut twice— Very Scary Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) May 4, 2015
WIFE: that's not right. What did you just build?
*kids fall out of treehouse*
My wife asked me to slice up 4 blocks of cheese for a cheese tray to take to a party. We ended up bringing a cake.— Dan (@Social_Mime) October 19, 2017
me: Good morning— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 24, 2017
wife [not talking to me because of something I said in her dream]
Wife: How many times have I told you NOT to use my face moisturizer as body lotion?— PunchyK (@AnkCoupleTO) April 19, 2017
Me: *skin absolutely glowing* is this a trick question?
Me: Did I snore last night?— Phil (@geowizzacist) October 8, 2017
My wife: No you woke up screaming from a nightmare.
Riddle: If a couple has been married for 25 yrs and they go car shopping in the rain, how long until they fall out of love?— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s)🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 10, 2017
Answer: 14 mins
My husband arguing with me about how I like to argue is the spark that keeps this marriage alive.— 👻Sarcastic Mommy👻 (@sarcasticmommy4) October 22, 2017
Only marriage can turn a missing spatula into an act of war.— Jersey Devil 😈 (@better_off_dad) October 15, 2017
Say what you will about Facebook but when my wife sees posts by my extended family, at least I don’t look so bad.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) October 22, 2017
WIFE: I'm having friends over tonight but ur welcome to hang out with us— Very Scary Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) October 21, 2017
NARRATOR: but he didn't hang out with them, not even for a second