POLITICS

Here's An Elegy Sonu Nigam Never Wrote (But Should Have) For Singer Abhijeet Bhattacharya

Twitterati, Tweeples, Tweetios, lend me your ears.

24/05/2017 3:41 PM IST | Updated 24/05/2017 4:00 PM IST
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Bollywood singer Sonu Nigam performs during a three city national tour at Durban's International Convention Centre on March, 26 2010.

Once upon a time Gandhi-ji taught us civil disobedience. We could stop paying taxes, burn foreign clothes, make our own salt. But that was so 20th century. In Digital India we have new ways to protest just as we have new ways to pay. Sonu Nigam has shown us how to protest in the 21st century. You quit Twitter. Or rather you threaten to quit Twitter. In 24 tweets. That will show them.

The reason? He is standing in solidarity with singer Abhijeet Bhattacharya whose account has been suspended from Twitter after being accused of using "inappropriate" and "insulting" language.

"Author Arundhati Roy and people supporting JNU" were behind the suspension, Abhijeet tells PTI. Asked if he will protest, Abhijeet said "I (don't) care a damn... entire nation is with me."

Nigam, his brother-in-song, certainly is. And his Twitter storm is a literary treat. While it's phrased in user-friendly modern SMS-speak and spattered with Indiscriminate Capitalization, a careful read between the lines reveals that it is nothing less than Shakespearean in its emotional power.

Here is the Twitter storm, restored to its original glory, without the 140 character limit.

Twitterati, Tweeples, Tweetios, lend me your ears,

Suno na, suno na

I come to bury Abhijeet-da, not to praise him.

The tweets that men write live after them;

Their patriotism is oft interred with their accounts;

So let it be with Abhijeet-da. The noble anti-nationals

Hath told you Abhijeet-da was a troll:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Abhijeet-da answer'd it.

Here, under leave of Arundhati Roy and Shehla Rashid and the rest–

For Arundhati Roy is an honourable woman;

So are they all, all honourable cold-blooded pseudos–

Come I to speak on Abhijeet-da's exile from Twitter.

Something is rotten in the state of Twitter.

Twitter cud have been a greater platform. It's like Porn shown in theaters.

Not that I loved Twitter less, but that I loved Abhijeet-da more.

Abhijeet-da was my friend, faithful and just to me: And my almost 7 million followers. (More than Abhijeet-da's I think, but who is counting?)

But Shehla Rashid says he spews venom

And Rashid is an honourable liberal

Khud ko kya samajhti hai?

If it were so, it was a grievous fault

and grievously hath Abhijeet-da answered it

The fault, dear Twitter, is not in our tweets but in anti-nationals, that they are treacherous underlings

Abhijeet-da hath brought many captive anti-nationals home to Twitter

Whose shaming did our TV panels fill:

Did this in Abhijeet-da seem trollish? The nation wants to know.

When he was released on bail, Abhijeet-da hath wept:

Trolls should be made of sterner stuff:

Yet Swati Chaturvedi says he was trollish;

And Chaturvedi is an honourable woman.

Oh what a fall there was my countrymen.

Then I, and you, and all of us fell down, while bloody treason and cold-blooded Pseudos flourished over us.

I speak not to disprove what Arundhati Roy spoke recently on Kashmir (because she did not),

But here I am to speak what I do know.

If Arundhati can speak, why Paresh Rawal, Criticized for doing d same to someone else.

If Abhijeet-da's account is deleted why not Shehla's? And the other Morons who hurls Mother Sister abuses to every achiever?

How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless cold-blooded Pseudo.

I quit Twitter today in Defiance of this One-Sided Sham. Every Logical, Sensible Patriot and Humanist should.

Who is here so vile that will not love his country? If any speak, for him have I offended.

I pause for a reply.

Mujhe maaf karna

You all did hum main koi aisa geet gaon, not without cause,

What cause withholds you then, to mourn for Abhijeet-da who told you once tum dil ki dhadkan?

Wake up, friends, Tweeple, countrymen.

Censure me in your wisdom, but awake your senses, that you may be the better judge.

You can wake someone who's sleeping but can not wake up one who's pretending to sleep when he's awake.

But some must watch, while some must sleep, so runs the world this way. Your Sonu Nigam watched over almost 7 million of you.

Main hoon na.

But no more.

O Twitter! thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason, Utmost Humility and Good Intent. Bear with me;

My heart is in the suspended account there with Abhijeet-da,

And I must pause because #IStandWithAbhijeet

Meanwhile chalte chalte get ready to take screen shots of my messages for they won't be here 4 long.

Abhijeet-da's suspension was the most unkindest cut of all.

Shall Delete d account in a bit so the messages are conveyed clearly and with Utmost Humility and Good Intent. Thanks Twitter. Thanks Abhijeet-da.
I hope I never need to return here to Clarify, but I never say Never! At this point, my Pious life, needs to Declutter.

So Farewell and forever farewell, 6.5 Million Tweetio.

Kabhi yaadon mein aaoon remember my last stand. If we do meet again on a Newer Platform with some Filter, why, we shall RT; If not, why then this 24-tweet tweetstorm was well made.

Et tu, Abhijeet-da? Then fall Sonu.

And as Sonu Nigam sir leaves the virtual building, he hums from Shakespeare's most famous play, The Sound of Music.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu

Adieu, adieu to yieu and yieu and you and you (repeat 6.46 million times)?

Thank you for the music.

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