LIFESTYLE

You Want To Steer Clear Of These 7 Toxic Lies In A Relationship

Love the way you lie?

18/01/2017 6:07 PM IST | Updated 20/01/2017 3:50 PM IST
Screenshot from Youtube

Nobody said relationships will be easy. And all of us, some time or the other, have taken recourse to lies to get out of sticky situations. Some would say, they're even necessary for a successful relationships -- often, you don't want to hear the truth, you just want your partner to tell you something reassuring, even if it's untrue.

But the thing about lies is, the more you lie, the more you're inclined to do it and the easier it gets to be able to do it without feeling guilty. It's a slippery slope, and once it starts coming to you naturally, it becomes difficult to stop. Here are the 7 most corrosive lies in a relationship; and if you find yourself using them, it's time to think long and hard about what's going on with you and your relationship.

1) "I'm not in touch with the ex"

A lot of people will justify this lie by saying their partner is needlessly jealous and possessive. If that is, indeed, true, you might want to ask yourself, do you really want to be with a person who can't, after the initial inevitable prick of jealousy, fathom that a couple can part ways without hating each other's guts? And if your partner isn't the real issue, ask yourself: what exactly are you trying to hide? No matter how uncomfortable it is to admit to your partner that you want your ex to continue being a part of your life, say it.

Would you like to be in a relationship where you can't seem to get anything right and your partner is forever trying to "better" you?

2) "I can change this"


This is a lie we tell ourselves, and it's bound to blow up in our face. If you get into a relationship thinking of your partner as a work-in-progress (WIP), and that you're going to be able to undo years of conditioning, behaviour and thought patterns, you're in for a rude awakening. It's true that people change to accommodate their partner's eccentricities, but it takes a long time to love someone enough to want to change your life for them. Think about this: would you like to be in a relationship where you can't seem to get anything right and your partner is forever trying to "better" you? If you don't think your partner is the best thing that happened to the world since sliced bread, at least initially, don't date them at all.

3) "It doesn't bother me"


If you're going to grit your teeth, smile and pretend that things are peachy every time your partner does something you can't stand, they are naturally going to look at you like you've sprouted horns the day you ultimately blast. While it's important to pick your battles and let some things slide (no one wants to date The Grinch), you have to be comfortable enough in a relationship to be able to talk about the stuff that truly troubles you. Walking around feeling like an over-extended pressure cooker is no way to go about a relationship.

4) "I've never done this before"

Most of us would use this lie to hide our previous sexual experiences and colourful pasts. It's an easy lie to get away with because how on earth are they going to find out? Unless they take it upon themselves to track down people from your past and ask inappropriate, intrusive questions; in which case, you've got bigger problems than this. But before dropping this lie, just remember: every time you lie about you're past, you're admitting to yourself that you're ashamed of it. Are you? A better approach might be to broach the subject at the start and tell them that your past is not up for discussion.

If you're constantly telling your partner they're perfect and they actually believe you, the real world is going to be a very cruel place for both of you.

5) "You're perfect"


No one's perfect, and reasonably self-aware adults know what their biggest faults are. While everyone deserves the gratification that comes with the knowledge that their partner thinks they're the best human being to walk the planet, relationships that last are built on a constant effort towards self-improvement. If you're constantly telling your partner they're perfect and they actually believe you, the real world is going to be a very cruel place for both of you. If you can't even count on your partner to tell you the truth, who will?

6) "I want to take things slow"


In 9 out of 10 cases, this lie is shorthand for, "I like you, but you don't rock my world". It's nice to have someone likeable and to be able to keep them around till someone who does rock our world gambols into our life, but it's cruel to string someone along, especially if you know they feel more than you ever will. You're leading them, exposing them to future hurt and depriving them of the opportunity to meet someone who can give them what they want. Don't be that douche.

7) "I would never lie to you"


The world would be an unbearable, confusing and lonely place if everyone, all the time, spoke the truth. Lies, as much as truth, have a role in holding the relationship together and most adults know this. Someone who promises never to lie in a relationship is undateable , at best, and dangerously delusional, at worst.

More On This Topic