Don't we all love the brave new world of Uber and Ola. How did we even manage before these cheap and (mostly) prompt cab services changed our lives so much for the better, the occasional hair-pulling experience apart. Then, there are the Uber/Ola drivers — so much more interesting than the bus, auto and rickshaw drivers of yore.
We already get to know them over all those phone calls for directions to the pick-up location and, once we are on board, the conversation keeps flowing as we ask them how much they make every day, they tell us their life stories and both wonder just how Uber is ever going to make any money with such cheap taxi fares.
Here are some Uber-the-top cab jokes that sum up 21st century India's urban taxi experience.
me- so lol friendzoning is like rsvp-ing "maybe" to a facebook event invitation
uber driver- pls ask my salary like everybody else— crapo (@Creepowoman) September 24, 2015
Friend just dropped me to metro station in his white Swift Dzire and I ended up saying "bhaiya trip end kar dena".— Namelass (@DilliBelle) October 28, 2015
[Job interview at Uber]— Suprateek Chatterjee (@SupraMario) August 3, 2016
"Welcome. Please go down the hallway to the third room on the right"
"The second room on the left?"
*Uber driver reaches girlfriend's elbow*— Ashish Shakya (@stupidusmaximus) November 24, 2016
Uber Driver: Haanji main clitoris pe aa gaya hoon.
Me: Map dekh lo— adrak (@ubercoolosis) June 16, 2016
Uber Driver: Crossing pe aaiye
UD: Gali me aaiye
UD: Ped ke samne
Me: Paidal ghar pahuch gaya bhaiya thank u
When you book an Uber and the driver is finally able to understand your location. pic.twitter.com/CSowzDDxWf— Sand-d Singh (@Sand_In_Deed) July 29, 2016
Do you get a discount when you ask the Uber driver his life story?— dorku (@Dorkstar) July 4, 2016
Salman Khan : I love you— Pakchikpak Raja Babu (@HaramiParindey) October 26, 2016
Girl : but I love my uber driver
Salman : uske paas aisa kya hai jo mere paas nahin hai?
Girl : he has a story
Measuring intensity of rainfall by looking at Uber and Ola surge.— Trendulkar (@Trendulkar) August 31, 2016
God realised he couldn't be everywhere so he created mothers, then he realised mothers couldn't be everywhere so he created uber drivers— Siddhartha (@steppennwolf) May 8, 2016
Man: Hello. I'll be late for the interview. I can't find this office. Where are you exactly?— Sahil Shah (@SahilBulla) July 6, 2016
Uber: Congratulations. You're hired.
Uber and Ola drivers taking directions pic.twitter.com/8Y3bZqfZtA— adrak (@ubercoolosis) January 9, 2017
Told the taxi dude to jump the red light and now wondering if he's wondering how wild I am in bed— very internet person (@smhsohard) April 25, 2016
"Chup kar ullu ki patthi...gol gol ghumati rehti hai" - my Uber driver talking to Google Maps— Akshar (@AksharPathak) March 19, 2016
Principal: Aapka beta kaise kaise kahani bana raha hai ?— ️ (@FarziCricketer) October 26, 2016
Dad: Haan bada hoke Uber Driver banega.
Kailash Kher: arey roo kyu rahe ho?— Kachra Peti (@kachra_peti) June 23, 2016
OLA cab driver: 😭
Kailash: arey roo mat bhai has de.
Kailash: OLA ke bande hasde OLA ke bande.
"Dude you're pretty drunk. Don't drive back home. Just call yourself an Uber"— Akshar (@AksharPathak) May 22, 2015
"Okay, I'm an Uber."
Some Wednesday morning demotivation from Uber. 😢 pic.twitter.com/0Gi9i6adX7— That Goan Boy (@schmmuck) December 7, 2016
[gets into an uber]— not chin2 (@PunsNProses) September 23, 2016
me: can u pls shut up & tell about the scam uber drivers use to make more money, like a normal uber driver
Ola, Uber mails aur messages din bhar bhejte rehte hain, bass cab bhejne k time pata nahi kya maut aa jati hai.— pnkj (@AskThePankazzzz) October 26, 2016
My Ola driver is every sapiosexual's dream. pic.twitter.com/zRNT4HMMPC— Biswa Kalyan Rath (@kalyanrath) August 12, 2016
During oral sex— Pakchikpak Raja Babu (@HaramiParindey) January 8, 2017
Girlfriend : a little left, a little right, up, up
Uber driver : closest landmark bata do
When you see 3x on Uber and start walking in the rain because no can see you crying.— no (@Sarcusstic) October 12, 2015
Cab driver talking in Haryanvi accent. Waiting him to say "abhi toh party shuru hui hai" any moment now.— k (@krazyfrog) May 17, 2016
*books Uber cab*— Chaukanna Chor (@DefucktiveHumor) November 17, 2015
Guy: jaldi chal, boss harami hai mera.
Driver: *turns back* lol you're fired.
When your friend's Uber arrives before yours does. pic.twitter.com/IaqmelniUA— Akshar (@AksharPathak) June 15, 2016
My Uber driver quit his job as Uber CEO to become Uber driver.— 🐿 (@prtxt) September 25, 2015
When Uber becomes Tinder. pic.twitter.com/aLfsvgDfgA— Sahil Shah (@SahilBulla) November 5, 2016
There is no Raja Hindustani sequel, bcz if now Karishma Kapoor falls in love with cab driver, her dad won't oppose as Ola drivers earn a lot— EngiNerd. (@mainbhiengineer) October 22, 2016
Me *offers Parle G to Uber driver*— Pakchikpak Raja Babu (@HaramiParindey) October 3, 2016
Driver : Sir ji yeh khao *Takes out Hide n Seek biscuits*
Uber's next update. 😬 pic.twitter.com/n8JHqjKJ2q— Akshay Jain (@ComedyBanda) October 26, 2016
When you be waiting for the cab but the cabs be humping pic.twitter.com/DenH3Vm9De— Bakwas Rider (@BakwasRadio) April 26, 2015
Awesome. Got James Bond as my Uber Driver. pic.twitter.com/OPb4CzgMgz— Chaitanya (@Chaitanya_13) November 4, 2016
Uber: "Surge pricing is dynamic. Depends on the demand."— Akshar (@AksharPathak) April 21, 2016
Ola: "Yeah, same"
Meru: "Apun toh ₹24 per kilometer permanent surge rakhela hai"
Your Uber is 4 mins away.— Sorabh Pant (@hankypanty) May 2, 2016
Your Uber is 14 mins away.
Your Uber is 34 mins away.
Your Uber is an illusion.
Your Uber is an ISRO satellite.
Uber / Ola drivers when google was down. pic.twitter.com/THqcrPDPRk— Godman Chikna (@Madan_Chikna) December 13, 2016
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