LIFESTYLE

7 Opening Conversations On Tinder That Men Should Totally Avoid If They Want A Date

Read if you don't want to be ghosted.

13/12/2016 5:41 PM IST | Updated 14/12/2016 1:40 PM IST
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First conversations are awkward.

For some of us, the prospect of trying to woo someone new is the emotional equivalent of getting a root canal. Tinder was supposed to make things easier for the socially awkward; level the playing field for the disadvantaged.

Has it?

Hell, no.

A cursory glance into the inboxes of several women on Tinder will elicit responses that can range from anything between droll eye-rolling to appalled un-matching. I'm sure some men may also be familiar with the nightmare I am going to elaborate on shortly, but today, I seek to speak on behalf of women whose hopes from Tinder are diminishing faster than the ozone layer.

So if you've ever bombed while writing to a girl on Tinder, here are some things you may want to remember:

1- Every girl has more matches than you. Yes, deal with it, nobody said life's going to be fair. What this means is that you're competing for her attention with a bunch of other guys on an app that sucks both battery, data and occasionally human patience. A 'hi' will, at best, get a delayed response when she's bored and waiting for the date who said something more engaging. More realistically, it will get ignored in favour of someone with a more inspired ice-breaker.

A 'hi' will, at best, get a delayed response when she's bored and waiting for the date who said something more engaging.

2) Annoyed she isn't responding? Deal with it. Repeat this in your head like an incessant chant until it becomes a part of your DNA. Tattoo it across your arm if you have to: I am not Nutella and hence, cannot feel entitled to any human being's time and attention.

Can you see the words floating in front of your eyes when you shut them? Good. Why did she swipe right if she had no intentions of engaging? You'll never know. Let. It. Go. Sure, it's frustrating to be stonewalled. Mostly because a vague sense of "this better be worth my time" tinges every Tinder interaction, but that still doesn't mean you're entitled to a conversation.

3) If you make an ill-advised joke and realise she's gone cold, apologise quietly and don't get frantic. And most importantly, don't try to justify it if she calls you out on it. The 'offence is the best defence' strategy doesn't win you arguments among adults in the real world. Also remember, just because you apologised doesn't mean she has to accept it. If she chooses not to engage further, let it go. (Repeat mantra from above, if need be).

Also remember, just because you apologised doesn't mean she has to accept it.

4) Speaking of jokes... Sure, there is a certain flirtatious liberty that an app like Tinder lends itself to, but there is flirtatious and there is creepy, and there is a very THICK line that separates the two. Don't say anything you wouldn't say to a person on a first date. And if you figure that a woman is not up for sex right away -- trust me, you don't have to be a genius to figure that out -- don't badger. And drop those jokes-cum-compliments about her long legs wrapped around you etc.

5) Don't call yourself a good/nice guy. It's just sad and makes us wonder whether we're supposed to give you a medal for being normal and non-creepy. Pro-tip: nice guys don't think they are "nice" guys, they just are.

There is literally no girl who has ever said to herself, "Hmmm, he's too polite, I don't want to date/marry/fuck him."

6) There is no such thing as being too courteous. Whether you're looking to date, marry or fuck, there is literally no girl who has ever said to herself, "Hmmm, he's too polite, I don't want to date/marry/fuck him." You simply cannot go wrong with courteousness.

7) So what do you say? Anything that shows you spent at least a couple of minutes reading her bio is she has one. Or a nicely-worded compliment, perhaps. No, 'blue eyes, hypnotize' isn't one of those. One of the most amusing conversations I had on Tinder started with him telling me about his favourite princess story, another one engaged me in really fun game of three truths and a lie, yet another discussed roller-coasters with me. You get the drift?

Happy swiping!

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