See, weddings are fun. Yes, even ones outside Bollywood movies. Dressing up, free food, photo sessions, free food, did I mention free food and oh, if you're lucky, free booze too.
But if you're a single woman and in her twenties, they'll throw in a free, crowdsourced uterus evaluation session too. And if you're above 30 and unmarried, you'll be told you need a new reproductive system. Or die soonly and come back with a new life, hence new ovaries and uterus, yay!
Okay, the last one was slightly exaggerated but one won't be surprised if someone floated this idea at an Indian wedding.
So if the wedding season in India is a personal hell for you, here's our shoulder sister. Go on, weep!
1. "When are YOU getting married?"
Oh, you didn't know? I am! To french fries.
2. "Is there someone special in your life too?"
Yes, food. We are very committed.
3. "Have you lost weight? You look so beautiful now, now get married already."
You are losing a lot weight in my life right now.
4. "Have you met (insert name of alarmingly decent NRI boy)?"
Goodness, no! These news channels have become so lazy, they aren't talking about him at all!
5. "Oh! You drink also?"
Yes and it is also the only remotely decent thing I do.
6. Looking at the accompanying parent and ignoring the woman, "You know Mr. X's son? He's back in India. You should meet the family."
Why, exactly? He has got a penguin for pet? Or a giraffe?
7. "If you want kids, this is the right age to get married. After this it will be too late."
I just want some snacks right now, not kids.
8. "You might not realise now because you are always out with your friends. But you will get lonely after a while."
Why? Has Netflix gone somewhere?