There are many annoying things smokers do. One of them is they smoke. And they do it all the time. They'll drag you out for a smoke in the scorching heat. Your favourite mug is now their ashtray. Your pillow cover has holes that you didn't make. You have to re-watch movies because your smoker pal had to grab a smoke just before the show. You have been driven around the city in the middle of the night to find oxygen... err... cigarettes. You've had to explain people survive without cigarettes just fine --- ten times every day. You dare not enter the loo after your friend's been in there.
And never, and literally none of your smoker friends, ever acknowledge the great sacrifices you've had to make for them. For example, sip on chai during work-break at the speed of IRCTC, because your friend has chai and a cigarette to finish. Your precious tea turns into cold flavoured milk but the cigarette stays lit like the Olympics torch.
Here's an ode to every non-smoker who has put up with cigarettes, because, yeh dosti hum nahin todenge, guys!
1. Congrats! Your lungs are as full of 'tar' as your friends'.
'Todenge dum magar, tera saath na chhodenge.'
2. Everything around them is a potential ash tray.
Lay's packet? Bowl? Cheese spread box? Water bottle? The pocket of your shirt? Cigarette butts everywhere.
3. They'll give you strange excuses for smoking.
"Arey, doesn't your hero SRK also smoke?"
4. Physical damage to your belongings.
Your bedsheets and curtains have holes now. You keep a fire extinguisher handy.
5. Toilet becomes a smoke chamber.
No cigarette = No 'pressure'.
6. Your clothes, hair, and entire existence smell of cigarette.
Mom: "Tune cigarette peena start kardiya?" (You have started smoking too, now?)
7. Ruin your movies.
Your smoker pal has to smoke before the movie, during the movie, and after the movie.
Me: Abhi toh pi thi? (Didn't you smoke just now?)
Friend: Tension ho rahi hai. (I'm tensed)
Me: Tension kyun? (Why?)
Friend: Villian pakda nahi gaya toh? (What if they can't catch the villain?)
8. Smoke in your car too.
"Ek minute AC band karde. Khidki khol raha hoon." (Can I switch off the AC for a bit? Rolling down the windows.)
9. Show you smoke tricks.
WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?
10. Light their cigarette with pretty much anything.
"Bhai, got a lighter?"
"Chal, no problem."
11. A party means your house is going to have as much smoke as Delhi's roads.
Oh, the horror.
12. Drag you along for smoke breaks.
"Come naa, just 5 minutes? Which train do you have to catch?"
13. "I'm quitting soon."
14. Find reasons to smoke more.
Break up. *grabs a smoke*
Loses job. *grabs a smoke*
Alcohol. *grabs a smoke*
Aloo paratha. *grabs a smoke*
Crow shit. *grabs a smoke*
15. Smoke in non-smoking areas.
"Arrey chill, it's faaaaaine! Look, even the guard's smoking!"
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