Hilarious Things People Were Asked Before Marriage

28/08/2015 3:01 PM IST | Updated 15/07/2016 8:25 AM IST
Screenshot from AIB video

Arranged marriages are still a popular phenomenon in India, if the explosion of matrimonial websites is anything to go by.

But finding the perfect match can be like searching for a needle in a haystack and one has to go through their share of hair-raising experiences before settling for a happy-ever-after.

At least, that’s what this Quora thread proves. Recently, a bunch of people took to sharing some (ahem) eccentric cases of matrimonial meetings. And, they’re quite hilarious.

Wonder why they haven’t made a movie on this yet.

1. The hand you use might prove the key pillar to a happy marriage and excellent offspring


This incident was handed in posted by Purwa Rojindar, whose best friend Kruti (name changed) was seeking a potential mate.

"A very nosy matrimony enthusiast uncle of hers imposed this proposal on her. We were told the guy, Nikhil was a 29 years old Green Card holder from US," she wrote.

After the meet, the prospective groom's father called up Kruti's parents and rejected the proposal on the following "validated-and-accountable" grounds: "She is lefty, we don't want a lefty progeny."

Talk to the hand...

2. Papad-making skills are now a deal-breaker

papad india

Parul Dixit, a PhD student, came across a family that places pappad-making a priority over the ubiquitous chai, and other essential qualities like, oh we don't know, kids, jobs, happiness..

The entire story, summed up in this conversation:

Guy's Father : "Namaste, please sit down, How are you?"

Me: "Namaste, Fine, thank you. How are you?"

Guys Father: " I am a lawyer by profession and would like to ask you a few questions"

Me: Sure. (Lawyer?)

Guy's Father: " What do you think about Bhagat Singh?"

Me: "Er..He was a great guy I guess..I mean I really don't think about him much..?!"

Guy's Father: "Ok I will make it simpler, what do you think about the movie Rang De Basanti? Do you think what happened in the movie is possible in real life? Will you do what Amir Khan did?

Guy's Father : "What would you give first preference to : nation, family or yourself?"

Me: " I liked the movie but I don't think that's possible in real life."

"How do you calculate 4 divided by 2?"

Me: "Isn't it 2?"

He: "How did you calculate it?"

Me: " Dunno..may be you find the highest common factor of the numerator and denominator or something..blah blah."

He: "You seem not be good in mathematics, but you are good in social sciences."

He: "Do you know how to cook? What all can you cook?"

Me: "Ya I can cook most of the Indian dishes"

He: "Can you make a Papad?"

Me: "Er..Yes.."

He: " This is a tradition in our family that we ask the new bride to make a papad. Go to the Kitchen and show us how you make a Papad


3. Neither hair nor there


This was posted by an anonymous user who had quite a hairy experience.

"The groom came along with his parents and his neighbour.

When I was about to touch the "prospect mother-in-law's" feet,all I remember is I banged myself on the floor! I lost my balance because she pulled my long hair to check if it was real! I can't explain even today how horrified I was!"

4. "Shy is coming..."

indian man with face covered

Another girl, who was doing her post graduation then, living in a city away from home was forced to talk to a boy, after her grandmother said that their "horoscope matched 9/10."

The girl's roommate, posted about the incident and narrated their conversation.

"Post a very rapid monologue which carried not-so-subtle hints at how wealthy the family is, the dude suddenly goes-

'So you eat non-veg food?'

Me - "I need to tell you something. I am not very keen..... Wait, what?

Oh, yes, I do."

The dude - "I don't think your parents are aware of this. I also don't think you should be studying so far away from home with so many strange guys and all.

As for me, I don't speak to girls much. Shy is coming talking to you. What about you?'"

5. Virginal grooms are trending

palmistry india

It's not just the women who undergo some rather bizarre episodes: A Quora user, Harsh Punjabi, wrote about several requirements and judgement calls from different families that made him doubt his future marital status.

"You are a non vegetarian so this does not go down well with our family.

You are not in (foreign country) but your profile says you handle the (foreign country's) office. Ohh we are looking for NRIs only.

You are right handed but our girl is left handed the child will get confused.

Our family astrologer has seen your horoscope and told us that you have had girlfriends in the past so he thinks you are not a good match for our girl.

If you get a government job we can consider this proposal again."

6. Apparently unconditional love requires some conditions


After having expressed an interest to continue an online chat over the phone, a man called up his probably wife-to-be, only to find himself tangled in what could possibly be the world's first chaperoned phone conversation. What's more, she wasn't giving him to no keys to her daughter's chastity belt without meeting a few 'basic' conditions.

The conversation, according to Quora, went something like this:

She: "Hi, my mother wants to talk to you."

Me: "Er, okay but..."

By this time, she has handed over the phone to her mother.

Her Mother: "What? Do you not want to talk to me?"

Me: "Hello Aunty. Nothing like that, it caught me by surprise. That is all. How are you?".

Her Mother: "Here are some conditions and you have to agree to them. Do you agree to them?"

Me: "What are those conditions?"

Her Mother: "Are you having doubts? Why will you not agree to the conditions?"

Me: What are they?"

Her Mother:

Condition 1: You should not talk to your parents for the next 5 years and when you visit India, you should not go and see them

Condition 2: Your parents should not come and visit you in the UK.

Condition 3: I hear that you have booked a flat, you need to register it in my name (not even her daughter's name, but her name!) before the marriage. "

Man hung up.

7. One must (literally) play the part

fancy dress india

Sometimes it's not just the conversations that are hilarious.

Payoshni Saraf shared her ex-roommate's experience that involved an introduction (by her parents) to a rather colourful character who had donned some shady side-kick roles in the Marathi film industry, and felt they did justice to his worth as a prospective husband.

"That obviously was the best part about him because his email carried some 7 pictures from the parts that he had played in the movies. So there were pictures of him dressed as a cowboy, as a police inspector, even as a railway station coolie!!!"

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